The Chipping Away Exercise

Pt. 2

Okay. Here are some answers:

1. Make a list of all the ways you wish you were different.

   I wish I were: less egocentric, more trusting, more confident in myself. I wish I were calmer, more flexible, and more loving. I wish I were smarter, wiser, less judgmental, healthier, and funnier.

2. Look at each item and ask:

   1. why do you want each one of these things?

      I wish I were less egocentric so I could be less centered around my own interests.

      I wish I were more trusting so I could spend less time in worry about possibly being let down and more time believing in someone, which would make us both feel good.

      I wish I were more confident in myself because I have tremendous self-doubt that can make me say and do foolish things. That is no fun.

      I wish I were calmer because sometimes my vibe sucks. That sucks.

      I wish I were more flexible because it would make life easier for me and certainly for those around me who have to endure my resistance to the flow of life.

      I wish I were more loving because I want to love more. I want to love so much that I burst into flames.

      I wish I were smarter because why wouldn’t I want to be?

      I wish I were wiser because I get in fixes a wise person would not find herself in.

      I wish I were less judgmental because I need to be worried about my own imperfections, not anyone else’s, or anyplace else’s, or anything else’s.

      I wish I were healthier because I want to live a very long life.

      I wish I were funnier because everyone likes funny people, and funny stuff makes life worth living.

   2. ask “do I like these motives?”

      I don’t know if I should judge my own motives, but I don’t think the things I desire are harmful.

3. Imagine you had all the things on the list — how would they change your life?

I imagine I might have more peace if I had the things on my list.

What would you be willing to give up to get the things?

Suffering.

Think about who you really are, and think about who you are without the worldly desires.

At this moment, as I stand in my kitchen wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and plastic flip flops, surrounded by more than most people in the world ever dream of having, I know that what I desire isn’t material. I also know how lucky I am to have the material things that I do. I have a roof over my head. I have food in my cabinet. I think I’m doing the exercise incorrectly but this is how it hit me.

Chip away the inauthentic parts — the attachments to the desires and declare independence from those things.

In order to know if I need to declare independence, I need to discern whether or not I want to make the changes in myself that would be necessary to have the things I’ve listed because I want to change, or because I want to be seen as a person who has the qualities I’ve listed. I refuse to be an unreliable narrator and not call myself out in the name of always making sure I think about my intentions. It’s hard. That’s okay. Finding a way to be whole, to have integrity is not easy.

1. Do this everyday for a week. Keep track of it.

   1. how does it make you feel

   2. how does it make you act

I’m not sure I’m going to do this everyday for a week. But it was interesting to do it this evening.

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I hope y’all are having a great week.

Allison