I am so bad with the judgements that I make other peoples judgement of me up! I love this post because it hits home with me. I wish I didn’t care about other’s thoughts on me but I do.
This resonates. I have yet another sinus infection this year, and it's a doozy. This bout of sickness is bringing many insights about myself and how I have coped with trauma. I scibble it all down in my trusty journal.
Thank you for this powerful, necessary message. I'm sitting here at 3:17am, trying to decide whether to go on or not, to even greet another day; but your message hit me hard and right in the heart. Thank you. You are-quite literally-a life saver.
Wow! This is quite heavy for midweek but thank you for it! We are brought up to be judgmental. But they maybe we become selectively judgmental? What I been by that is that perhaps we are allowed to be judgmental. “Judge not! Lest ye be judged”. Those words are certainly true but it today’s world we are constantly being told that we shouldn’t be narrow-minded so in many areas of life it’s just not cool anymore to have an opinion.
I don’t know if I’m making sense so please don’t judge me too harshly! Px❤️
What an incredible piece of thinking and writing! Powerful! This really hit home and I'll be pondering and absorbing it for a long while. You are an amazing lady, Allison!
Happy for you in finding your true self. I know the feeling, (and still on the job). Much patience and love, (that we are told to use) towards yourself, as I have been told...that personal growth never ends. Your smile very similar to mine every morning when I wake. Much luck you Beautiful Soul!
This one hit me like a ton of bricks! Thank you for sharing. Two traumas in my life have made lasting impressions, an imprint.
I can forgive myself for one of the traumas (I was 15 and found my mom dead in her bed. Two nights before I had said goodnight to her when she was in that bed, and I had upset her. It was the last time I saw her alive, and I had hurt her and made her cry — not intentionally.)
The other trauma is something that is impossible for me to forgive myself. I was a moral coward. I abandoned someone in need. There is some fearful symmetry there. I have been struggling with it — 45 years later.
Judging myself for the worst decision of my life is exhausting. I knew enough to do better then. I held fast to my own dream and failed to do the right thing, the loving thing. A major sin of omission. I abandoned the person I loved most in the world when she needed me. That choice created my second trauma.
So, Allison, every word you wrote spoke to me. Thank you again for sharing. I am going to find a way to stop judging myself so severely. Yes, I have a great therapist, which really helps. Your writings have helped me be more aware, helped me recognize somethings I needed to see more clearly.
Never have I had a post touch me so much. I’ve read & reread your post at least 10 times. I looked up Ouroboros. 👁️🐍🦋
You touched on so many things I understand & have experienced. I have been spending time looking at that mountain for a good while too. And it’s all good.
Forgot to mention, I hope JH is having an awesome time with his camp friends! And the picture of you that Shelby took is so adorable… I can feel your “happy” and it makes me happy!
Hi Allison, first of all - thank you for sharing this. It's an incredibly packed synthesis of not only a lot of self-discovery but a reflection of one person's journey toward enlightenment. Your persistence at staying awake and aware, especially for the sake of love for your child, your family - well, it's admirable and honestly, and not many are sharing it online.
To most, that sentence may sound trite, but it takes a hell of a lot of courage to truly SEE oneself through the lens of objectivity and love, if even for a few days. Secondly, wow! What an honor it is to witness/share in your process! I'm just a couple of years older than you but seeing where you are today is such a gift - and as you continue to share, I see more than what you're mirroring back. I said in your last post, we all have no idea how one expression can carry so much possibilities for another person. You've just handed us a massive sunrise. Thank you.
What I personally gleaned from your post is also a couple of gifts. One is forgiveness for a friend who I felt spoke through you. Her circumstances are similar to yours. During my grief when I lost my brother last year, I felt I had 'forgiven' but I see now why that forgiveness didn't feel solid. Seems I have more forgiving to do... I also am reminded that just because nothing's going on right now doesn't mean I'm "in the clear". Daily practices of self-care, meditation, etc. are non-negotiable. It's so easy to just get caught back up in the judgment game - and yes, I am still a perfectionist, people pleaser as I was years ago. I'm just no longer asleep at the wheel. Thank you for a powerful Friday morning jolt!
I am so bad with the judgements that I make other peoples judgement of me up! I love this post because it hits home with me. I wish I didn’t care about other’s thoughts on me but I do.
This resonates. I have yet another sinus infection this year, and it's a doozy. This bout of sickness is bringing many insights about myself and how I have coped with trauma. I scibble it all down in my trusty journal.
❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for this powerful, necessary message. I'm sitting here at 3:17am, trying to decide whether to go on or not, to even greet another day; but your message hit me hard and right in the heart. Thank you. You are-quite literally-a life saver.
Good morning Mitchell
I’m glad you’re here to greet another morning. Every day you’re here matters. You matter. 💝
Believe in love Trust in the strength you have, no matter what Sending healing thoughts and prayers, Mitchell
Wow! This is quite heavy for midweek but thank you for it! We are brought up to be judgmental. But they maybe we become selectively judgmental? What I been by that is that perhaps we are allowed to be judgmental. “Judge not! Lest ye be judged”. Those words are certainly true but it today’s world we are constantly being told that we shouldn’t be narrow-minded so in many areas of life it’s just not cool anymore to have an opinion.
I don’t know if I’m making sense so please don’t judge me too harshly! Px❤️
This is so good. So much to think about. Thank you.
What an incredible piece of thinking and writing! Powerful! This really hit home and I'll be pondering and absorbing it for a long while. You are an amazing lady, Allison!
Happy for you in finding your true self. I know the feeling, (and still on the job). Much patience and love, (that we are told to use) towards yourself, as I have been told...that personal growth never ends. Your smile very similar to mine every morning when I wake. Much luck you Beautiful Soul!
This one hit me like a ton of bricks! Thank you for sharing. Two traumas in my life have made lasting impressions, an imprint.
I can forgive myself for one of the traumas (I was 15 and found my mom dead in her bed. Two nights before I had said goodnight to her when she was in that bed, and I had upset her. It was the last time I saw her alive, and I had hurt her and made her cry — not intentionally.)
The other trauma is something that is impossible for me to forgive myself. I was a moral coward. I abandoned someone in need. There is some fearful symmetry there. I have been struggling with it — 45 years later.
Judging myself for the worst decision of my life is exhausting. I knew enough to do better then. I held fast to my own dream and failed to do the right thing, the loving thing. A major sin of omission. I abandoned the person I loved most in the world when she needed me. That choice created my second trauma.
So, Allison, every word you wrote spoke to me. Thank you again for sharing. I am going to find a way to stop judging myself so severely. Yes, I have a great therapist, which really helps. Your writings have helped me be more aware, helped me recognize somethings I needed to see more clearly.
You can still use judgement, but not as a wall. Use it as a door, open it and see another door, suspicion.
Open that door and see investigate.
Then you can assemble facts and vibes to get a clearer vision of the situation.
Be well.
Good morning Allison
Never have I had a post touch me so much. I’ve read & reread your post at least 10 times. I looked up Ouroboros. 👁️🐍🦋
You touched on so many things I understand & have experienced. I have been spending time looking at that mountain for a good while too. And it’s all good.
Thank you Allison. You’re a gift & a treasure.
xo
Forgot to mention, I hope JH is having an awesome time with his camp friends! And the picture of you that Shelby took is so adorable… I can feel your “happy” and it makes me happy!
Sounds like freedom, sister.
Hi Allison, first of all - thank you for sharing this. It's an incredibly packed synthesis of not only a lot of self-discovery but a reflection of one person's journey toward enlightenment. Your persistence at staying awake and aware, especially for the sake of love for your child, your family - well, it's admirable and honestly, and not many are sharing it online.
To most, that sentence may sound trite, but it takes a hell of a lot of courage to truly SEE oneself through the lens of objectivity and love, if even for a few days. Secondly, wow! What an honor it is to witness/share in your process! I'm just a couple of years older than you but seeing where you are today is such a gift - and as you continue to share, I see more than what you're mirroring back. I said in your last post, we all have no idea how one expression can carry so much possibilities for another person. You've just handed us a massive sunrise. Thank you.
What I personally gleaned from your post is also a couple of gifts. One is forgiveness for a friend who I felt spoke through you. Her circumstances are similar to yours. During my grief when I lost my brother last year, I felt I had 'forgiven' but I see now why that forgiveness didn't feel solid. Seems I have more forgiving to do... I also am reminded that just because nothing's going on right now doesn't mean I'm "in the clear". Daily practices of self-care, meditation, etc. are non-negotiable. It's so easy to just get caught back up in the judgment game - and yes, I am still a perfectionist, people pleaser as I was years ago. I'm just no longer asleep at the wheel. Thank you for a powerful Friday morning jolt!
This resonates with me….
I had a similar epiphany lately, “Perfection is not the key to happiness, acceptance is.”
Brave lady ...and helpful !! Artist.