Allison, I am only able to listen. We all have hurt but you've truly walked through the valley of hell. You are a miracle but not without a horrible price. All I can do is hope or encourage you on your path. I loved you immediately many years ago upon hearing your story. I loved you seeing you perform. You gave us all a precious gift of family and love and hope with your home broadcasts during the pandemic. For that I am grateful as are your family of followers. For that and more I will continue to love you regardless of where the road leads❤️
What you wrote on your notecard is priceless (I also love your handwriting). Who knows what might have been, or will be? You may not have even been a writer, if it wasn't for your tumultuous past. You wouldn't have such rich stories to tell, or the degree of wisdom that you've accumulated. The present is now, but tomorrow it will be the past. Let go of what no longer serves you. That's a task in itself.
P.S. I miss seeing Willie and his circling in your live concerts. I'm glad he was on your lap during the recording!
These posts are really helpful. It’s like we are all groping our way along through our respective dark places, and then you send up a flare. Thank you for the flares.
It really does. The epistemic hypervigilance ( I can't trust you, I can't trust the situation, I can't trust myself) that results from being raised in a home with alcohol and mental illness is hard to manage. I've been using the term Complex PTSD with my siblings a lot lately-the repeated abuse gives it the complexity-unfortunately for the survivors. Recovering from that kind of insecure attachment is hard work. We are all trying though. : )
Thank you for your insight. It is so complex, you are spot on. A circle, a cycle, a web, a tunnel — it is all of those things. The only thing I’ve landed on that makes a real difference is self-love, because other people are other people. And that requires digging to the bottom of things to find the real self to love! I’m grateful for the resources available to us now. I want everyone to have access to them.
You are very welcome. Thank you for the work that you do. Also, Credit where credit is due - Psychiatrist Judith Lewis Herman was the first to propose the term Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) in 1992 in her book "Trauma & Recovery".
I love listening to you Allison. I have found your writings very thought provoking. it may sound ridiculous but a short phrase towards the end of you meditation really hit me! “It’s complicated” or maybe “we are complicated”. It’s actually a powerful insight. I think much of our personal growth comes from understanding that we really don’t understand ourselves very well or, because we are so bias and vested, we filter, we blood, we ignore. We are unique, individual puzzles that maybe, if we are fortunate, we may be able to partial solve but like a second-jigsaw puzzle there will probably be a few pieces missing.
Ah, whew, right on point. What a week Iv had with a healing training in Storytelling.
It was tough, all of it...and healing through it, and thank you , for not feeling guilt in letting it while finding gratitude for that which matters...whew, that's a hurdle in itself...you encourage so much! Thank you. I have to choose a book now! My go to things...acting competent 😂 I am competent but trust me...I'm trying g to balance myself all the time...getting help from you and , yes, I am no longer unchecked.. I share my crazy, all the time.
Like so many things in fife, easy thing to think about, however, executing it is much more complicated. Not to mention, one can truly fix nothing in the present or the future, if one doesn’t look back at the past. Thank you for sharing this post, Allison
We've all been there don't be so hard on yourself
"Allison, obsession with the past
is like trying to drive a car
by only looking
in the rearview mirror.
However, denying the past
does not erase what happened.
Analyze what you did
and use the experience to improve,
and to help you enjoy your precious life.
Now is the only time you own.
Live, love, study, learn,
and work hard with a determination
to use all of your talents for good." - Mr. Veritas
"Allison, as "perfectly" imperfect children of God,
we all have a past filled with some guilt.
However, living in the past is like dragging
a heavy bag of decaying garbage behind us.
We must let the past go,
and learn how to enjoy today
as if it is our last.
God wants us to ask for his forgiveness
for the bad,
and to "eat, drink and be merry,"
when we do good.
We must all learn to enjoy
the fruits of our labor,
and do all with love." _ Mr. Veritas
Allison, I am only able to listen. We all have hurt but you've truly walked through the valley of hell. You are a miracle but not without a horrible price. All I can do is hope or encourage you on your path. I loved you immediately many years ago upon hearing your story. I loved you seeing you perform. You gave us all a precious gift of family and love and hope with your home broadcasts during the pandemic. For that I am grateful as are your family of followers. For that and more I will continue to love you regardless of where the road leads❤️
What you wrote on your notecard is priceless (I also love your handwriting). Who knows what might have been, or will be? You may not have even been a writer, if it wasn't for your tumultuous past. You wouldn't have such rich stories to tell, or the degree of wisdom that you've accumulated. The present is now, but tomorrow it will be the past. Let go of what no longer serves you. That's a task in itself.
P.S. I miss seeing Willie and his circling in your live concerts. I'm glad he was on your lap during the recording!
It’s a paraphrase of a Melodie Beattie, of course. I cannot take credit for that!
I relate. Boy, do I relate!
Me too
These posts are really helpful. It’s like we are all groping our way along through our respective dark places, and then you send up a flare. Thank you for the flares.
You’re welcome. I love a flare.
Quieting those introjects is hard work. Changing the behavior that triggers them is a good place to start.
PTSD makes avoiding triggers pretty difficult. But we try! X
It really does. The epistemic hypervigilance ( I can't trust you, I can't trust the situation, I can't trust myself) that results from being raised in a home with alcohol and mental illness is hard to manage. I've been using the term Complex PTSD with my siblings a lot lately-the repeated abuse gives it the complexity-unfortunately for the survivors. Recovering from that kind of insecure attachment is hard work. We are all trying though. : )
Thank you for your insight. It is so complex, you are spot on. A circle, a cycle, a web, a tunnel — it is all of those things. The only thing I’ve landed on that makes a real difference is self-love, because other people are other people. And that requires digging to the bottom of things to find the real self to love! I’m grateful for the resources available to us now. I want everyone to have access to them.
You are very welcome. Thank you for the work that you do. Also, Credit where credit is due - Psychiatrist Judith Lewis Herman was the first to propose the term Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) in 1992 in her book "Trauma & Recovery".
I love listening to you Allison. I have found your writings very thought provoking. it may sound ridiculous but a short phrase towards the end of you meditation really hit me! “It’s complicated” or maybe “we are complicated”. It’s actually a powerful insight. I think much of our personal growth comes from understanding that we really don’t understand ourselves very well or, because we are so bias and vested, we filter, we blood, we ignore. We are unique, individual puzzles that maybe, if we are fortunate, we may be able to partial solve but like a second-jigsaw puzzle there will probably be a few pieces missing.
Sorry about your guitar 🥲
Love Peter ♥️
Stunning. Yes.. FEEL. I have a sure feeling that at the end we'll look back and understand.
The words on the notecard and this post hit home tonight and were very helpful. Thank you for sharing.
It’s a paraphrase of a Melodie Beattie, of course. I cannot take credit for that!
Ah, whew, right on point. What a week Iv had with a healing training in Storytelling.
It was tough, all of it...and healing through it, and thank you , for not feeling guilt in letting it while finding gratitude for that which matters...whew, that's a hurdle in itself...you encourage so much! Thank you. I have to choose a book now! My go to things...acting competent 😂 I am competent but trust me...I'm trying g to balance myself all the time...getting help from you and , yes, I am no longer unchecked.. I share my crazy, all the time.
Like so many things in fife, easy thing to think about, however, executing it is much more complicated. Not to mention, one can truly fix nothing in the present or the future, if one doesn’t look back at the past. Thank you for sharing this post, Allison
Have you read "The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer? Check it out Allison.
Love it!