Questions + Answers

From Alice S.

Hi Allison,

My first question is: Are we allowed to submit more than one question?

If so, here's my 2nd question:

You and Shelby have such a close sisterly bond, even though you have such different personalities. Can you share some thoughts about this relationship, and how it has impacted your life? Also, have you ever had a rift or significant dispute, and if so, how was that resolved?

Best,

Alice

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Dear Alice,

Thank you for both of your questions.

The answer to the first one, are we allowed to submit more than one question, is YES! You can ask as many questions as you like.

Your second question, however, did give me pause due to the intimacy of the subject. Though I am quite open with y’all, even about my relationships to a degree, I am aware that just because I don’t mind talking about them on a level of some revelation doesn’t mean the person I’m in the relationship with doesn’t. And my sister tends to be more private than I, so I will handle this question with the delicacy and respect I believe it deserves, and that I believe you sent it with.

You are correct that my sister, Shelby, and I are quite close. She is the person on the planet that I have known the longest, save for my grandmother, and we are 3 years and 8 months apart in age. We have the typical closeness that shared history and childhood experience provides, as well as musical and trauma bonds that are inexplicable and unnameable. We have clung to one another for most of our lives as the person who understands us best, for we do share a language that no one else speaks.

Of course, there have been ruptures in our relationship. Of course, those ruptures and periods of time we’ve spent without communicating have brought both of us tremendous pain. We both suffer from the effects of childhood trauma and of course our relationships, including the relationship we share, reflect that to some degree. And of course, we have smoothed over every rift we’ve ever had to whatever degree we could. But what I prefer to do is focus on where we are in our lives at present. And that’s in a sweet spot. We live in the same city for the first time in twenty-five years and even in the same neighborhood. I wished for years to be able to stop by my sister’s house for a cup of coffee and a little conversation. Now I can do that. We share so much — our love of music, great writing, making art, and the simple pleasures of life too — a handwritten letter, a delivery of homegrown tomatoes because you bought too many at the produce stand. We are so fortunate to share such a deep familial and cultural knowing of the other — there are things that only my sister knows about me, I think sometimes she even knows what I must be thinking, because she was there when the core memory went in and she’s likely thinking the same thing or things.

I sure do treasure her. And I consider myself lucky to have learned what I’ve learned from her, and to keep going on that route together. We are witnesses for the other.

Thank you for the great question, Alice. And here’s a link to Shelby’s substack.

I hope y’all have a glorious weekend.

Peace. Love.

Allison

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