Questions + Answers

From Alice S.

Dear Allison,

I share your dismay and disdain about the rampant lack of proper grammar being propagated in this country. It's irksome that many people still don't know how to use "I" and "Me" correctly in a sentence. My other bugaboos are the use of the word "went" instead of "gone" (i.e. "I should have went..."), and writing "your welcome" instead of "you're welcome."

It takes a fair amount of restraint not to correct people I know, or even perfect strangers when I hear or see these glaring errors. I don't want to be rude or appear like a "know-it-all," but I fear that this problem will never be resolved.

I'm trying to understand why this has happened--is it the downfall of our educational system? I'm not a genius, nor did I attend any special public school where grammar was taught, but somehow I absorbed this information. Granted, my mother taught me how to read when I was 4 years old, and cultivated a lifelong love of books and learning. Nonetheless, it's concerning because I have taught college and graduate students who can barely write a grammatical sentence.

So, this is actually more of a cry for help!! What can be done to change this unfortunate situation? Can there be a direct media campaign or "Call to Action?" Any thoughts, ideas, or suggestions would be much appreciated.  

Grammatically yours,

Alice

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Dear Alice,

Thank you for this fantastic question.

The first thing I will say is, my grammar is not perfect. My father, however, was a stickler about it — not on small things, but he was pretty adamant about what he considered the big things: we never said the word ain’t for instance, though most people who lived around us certainly did. He banned double negatives (he didn’t say nothing, ain’t got no), ending sentences with prepositions (where are you at is one of the worst things my ears can hear as a result) — this is the way most people spoke where we lived. His mother was a grammar stickler as well, though she was a chronic over-correcter (one of my most abhorred traits in a creature that speaks) — for instance, she insisted on pronouncing the word coach as co-ach. And she refused to hear that it wasn’t said that way. Where the hell do people come up with these things? The point is, they both drilled into me how important it was not to sound like a hick. I’m right there with you. I care.

But I think we do have to realize that language evolves. We don’t run around thou-ing and harking these days and there was a time when I guess that was the norm. Can you imagine? I have a girlfriend that I never fail to greet with a “Hey Man.” That would sound alien to the women of a hundred years ago. I guess my point is, I feel your pain over this. I really do. Not only is it hard for me to hear things like I and me get confused, I cringe at gifting and all making nouns into verbs — dialouging, blue skying — as well as the opposite. Who came up with I know this is a big ask… (where is the ice pick I can poke in my ear when I hear that mess — ask is a damn VERB). But people are changing it into a noun. They just are and they’re doing it whether we like it or not, Alice. Maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe I know this is a big thing/favor/whatever to ask is clunkier than it needs to be. Maybe gifting really is better than giving.

I realized a while ago that I am in the minority on most things. The importance of grammar and good use of language is one of them. That’s okay. It can be important to me. I am allowed to care. But in the larger picture, we really do have to give, Alice. The majority has spoken and they do not care as much as we do. No one likes to be corrected and it’s not a polite thing to do. We have to let it go and just do our best to keep the flame alive. I know it’s hard, but don’t let that show. People are just people, and most do their best. Try to suck it up and smile on the unlearned and know that the world is changing so fast none of us can keep up anymore. What was important no longer is except when it is.

Just as I don’t think country music needs to be saved, I don’t think language really needs to be saved. That’s a painful fact, but evolution is unstoppable. We’re supposed to change. I think that’s how we stay alive. And our music, art, language, and everything else changes right along with us. I don’t hire a string quartet every time I have a party. But GOD, wouldn’t that be lovely! I think it’s all fascinating — exciting on one hand, sort of sad on the other. I think about languages the world has lost and want to float up into the air and find them just to hear them.

Did y’all know that 60-70% of communication is non-verbal?

Have a fantastic weekend.

Peace. Love.

Allison

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