My Sunday List

October 29, 2023

Quote

Moving at your natural speed is not only one of the best ways to rebel, it is also one of the most important ways to love yourself. Society will try to push you into an unreasonable speed of existence. Adopting the speed of others will cause you tension. A busy life does not automatically equal a successful life. Taking time to breathe and process your emotions is the only way to take intentional steps forward. These mini moments of getting to know yourself will help you produce skillful actions. When you practice moving organically, you will see that rushing was hampering the gifts you have to share with the world. —Yung Pueblo

Song

A Flower is Not a Flower by Ryuichi Sakamoto.

My sister turned me on to this album years ago. It’s a Sunday morning go to.

I watched

Life on Our Planet on Netflix. This is incredible. I have to be careful not to think too long about the scope of time that’s covered in this series (and I’ve only watched the first episode) because anything approaching the idea of infinity makes me nervous, but I am so taken by it. Highly recommended, so far.

Book

I began reading How to Be: Life Lessons from the Early Greeks, by Adam Nicolson.

Hayes and I went on a cruise with his family last year that took us to five Greek islands. I didn’t know that it would awaken such curiosity in me and that I would become quite a bit more interested in the origins of western thought. The development of societies and cultures is fascinating to me — to delve into why things are the way they are in each one satisfies the part in me that wants to figure it all out. The second half of life has already taught me that such a thing is impossible, that allowing the questions to remain questions is the best way to find peace, but sometimes I do like to think about them.

Thing

Crutches.

Okay — here’s the story. On Monday, Hayes and I went on a 2 1/2 mile hike in Santa Cruz. When we were eating lunch afterwards, I got light-headed and kinda fell out. Hayes caught me, but somehow twisted me knee in the process. The Santa Cruz ER isn’t the best, so I really don’t know what it is — it’s a soft tissue injury for sure, likely a ligament, but the point is, the only thing that’s going to get it better is staying off of it.

I limped around on these all week. I had no idea they were so difficult to get around on as I have been incredibly lucky and have never had to have them before. I kept thanking myself for doing all of the yoga I have — without strong arms, I would’ve had a much harder time.

I’m going to be fine. I’m counting this experience as one specifically designed to increase my empathy and decrease the insurmountable expectations I put on myself.

Favorite Photo I Took This Week

My boy is magic and he sends me rainbows when we’re apart. This one, a double.

Prayer

Thank you, Great Spirit, for showing me what I need to see every single day. Please continue to give me the strength and endurance that I need to be who I want to be in this earthly realm. Help me to understand why there is suffering so that I may be more compassionate, understanding, and helpful to my fellow beings. Help me understand that it is not my job to figure out how everything is connected and how everything is always moving, it is only my job to accept that and find love, connection, joy, and meaning in that reality. Thank you for showing me that you are always there, I just have to listen.

Intention for the week to come

May I be present before I am concerned with being anything else.

May I be supported by the universe to make the best decisions for my life and for my family from that present place.

May I remember I can only achieve that presence when I allow myself to feel where I am first, before I try to figure out how others feel and then try to base my life and worth on them and what they do or do not do.

May I remember to keep my mind on myself in the most humble way, may I remember that my relationship with myself is the most important one I have, and may I also remember that though I am autonomous and powerful, I am at my strongest when I allow deep connection to others and allow life to move holistically.

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Something I’m thinking about

Vulnerability. As you know, I struggle with having it and even more with showing it. But here I am, laid up with a less than fully operational knee, and I have been for seven days now. And I’m on the road with Hayes! That’s a blessing — I’m so glad he was with me and we are together and honestly, I would’ve had trouble being anywhere else without 24/7 eyes on me because you do need two working knees to do most of the things I do — but it has been challenging to be taken care of. Hayes has done and continues to do a wonderful job looking after me, but as the child of an addict, guess what I have a terrible time doing?

Asking for help.

I’d just rather not.

I had a conversation the other day with a dear friend at a party, and we were connecting on the craziness of life and how we get where we get and the lessons we have to learn in order to more wholly become ourselves.

It’s as if I needed an injury to further heal.

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Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Buddha

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Habit

Wishes

1. That I recognize every opportunity to feel joy, and that I take each one.

2. That my fellow creatures do that too.

3. That you will forward this to one person you think might like it.

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Have a wonderful, peaceful, joyous week. And thank you for supporting my work here at The Autotelic.

Peace. Love.

Allison

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