My Sunday List
May 7, 2023
Quote
Know how to leave things alone, for if knowing how to refuse is one of life's great lessons, an even greater one is knowing how to say no to yourself, to important people, and in business. There are non-essential activities, moths of precious time, and it's worse to take an interest in irrelevant things than to do nothing at all.
Transitions can only take place if we are willing to let go of what we have known, the worlds we have created, and our assumption about how things are. To let go is the cursor to being reborn. —Richard Rohr
Song
My Argentina by Rayland Baxter. I’ve been a fan of Rayland Baxter since I heard his first record over ten years ago. He’s one of those artists I pay attention to no matter what he does because he makes music that convinces me I’m hearing his heart, not his ego. This song stopped me in my tracks the first time I heard it. That feeling he’s feeling — I think I know it — and that’s one thing that art is supposed to do — show us the parts of ourselves we might’ve missed otherwise. And damn, it’s pretty. What a voice.
I watched
I’ve watched I think four or five episodes of this show with Hayes. Though I usually fall asleep, the parts of it I’ve hung in for are funny. But I don’t know if I can say I like it. It’s almost too embarrassing and cringe-inducing to watch. Harrison Ford, however, is brilliant. If y’all are into it, let me know what you think.
I also watched this amazing performance. Check out my sister with musical sisters Mandy Barnett and Emily West. They have a new trio and it’s badass. They were on the Opry last night.
Book
Pico Iyer’s A Beginner’s Guide to Japan. This is a wonderful book. I’ve always been interested in Japan — the aesthetic, the mystery, the order, the clothing, the architecture. If you have the same interest, this book is a good place to start. It has inspired me to dig deeper, and to also declutter every chance I get.
I’m also almost finished with Lucinda Williams’ new memoir. I’ll report back.
Thing
My Designworks Ink Notebooks.
I keep a journal for my soul work, which means I write in longhand about it all almost every day. I’ve been using these notebooks for a few years and just love them. And this is my favorite color — black, of course. The paper is smooth and easy to write on and I love the double wire, size, the matte finish, and the simplicity. For a paper lover, it’s hard to pick a favorite, but until further notice, this notebook is my jam.
Favorite Photo I Took This Week
John Henry. Yesterday in Battery Park City, New York, NY.
I especially love it because he’s wearing my shirt, which is a man’s over shirt I bought in Santa Fe in January. I embroidered my initials on the front in red. It looks good on him. For the last few years we’ve actually shared some clothes. Well, rather I’ve mostly worn his hand me downs, and I delight in that, but I’m afraid that’s over as he is now 5’9” and 135 pounds. We made a deal when he was a baby that I’d never dress him in anything that I wouldn’t wear. So far, the deal has held.
If I can’t always wrap my arms around him, I have this image, don’t I? If a shirt were love…
Prayer
Thank you, Great Spirit, for letting me notice, for letting me be open, for showing me what I need to see.
Intention for the week to come
May I be patient with myself as I progress, however slowly, however two steps forward and one step back I seem to go. May I also be patient with others as they do the same.
Something I’m thinking about:
Techniques to calm the activated mind. I mentioned on Wednesday that I’ve recently begun EMDR therapy. I am so interested in seeing what effect it has on me, and am grateful for the opportunity to try it. The idea of bringing my nervous system into balance is one I like very much — I’ve spent most of my life feeling like a halloween cat, and sometimes acting like one, and I’m tired. My body deserves a chance to rest, but it never will, not quite, if I continue to struggle with complex PTSD. My amygdala (the threat detector) aches from overuse.
HOPING.
Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Buddha
Habit
Being quiet.
Wishes
That I have a successful week managing my emotions and feeling balanced.
That I make some sort of decent art.
That Hayes and I have a nice anniversary.
That you will forward this to one person and that person becomes a subscriber too.
Have a wonderful, peaceful, joyous week. And thank you for supporting my work here at The Autotelic.
Lots of love,
Allison
I also have complex PTSD. I'm tired of living in constant fight or flight. I'm actively seeking out ways to calm my nervous system.
“Shrinking” right? It is the Harrison Ford show. The rest is tolerable.
I’m already looking up those notebooks you mentioned. Thank you
and Happy Anniversary!