My Sunday List

February 18, 2024

Words

A committed artist cannot afford the luxury of revelation. Inspiration is the indolent indulgence of the dabbler. —Nick Cave, The Red Hand Files

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Song

Not a song, but the entirety of the I Am Shelby Lynne album. There will be some singing to do soon. Stay tuned.

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I watched

H and I went to our wonderful neighborhood cinema, The Belcourt, and saw Casablanca, a first for both of us. We loved it and it felt just right for a Valentine’s Day date.

We also continued on with Capote vs The Swans and Masters of the Air, which are both still great.

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Book

My favorite passage from Seven Thousand Ways to Listen this week:

It seems our capacity to withstand the tension of opposites is key to entering paradox, and key to that is becoming comfortable with the space of not knowing. Understandably, most of us are uncomfortable when things are undefined, when things are not clearly to or fro, up or down, left or right, or right or wrong. But the deeper truths always take time to reach us, and it is our job to enter a practice of waiting openly — which involves enduring the tensions of not knowing. This requires a crucial, ongoing effort not to prematurely name or define what we encounter in life. The truths that matter require us not to form opinions or beliefs hastily. On the contrary, we are asked to allow time to surround us with the Wholeness of life, to take the time required for the paradox of truth to show itself.

The space of not knowing is the space in which we all live. It is so hard to come to terms with that, with our powerlessness, with the idea that we must be patient, that our lists and schedules don’t actually run things, that we don’t really have many answers.

I’m almost finished with Signs: The Secret Language of the Universe, which is wonderful. If you’re a believer in spiritual mediums, signs from the other side, and the life and death questions, this one’s for you.

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Favorite moments

Valentine’s Day was maybe the best one I can remember.

Helping with creative direction on a photo shoot for my sister.

Visiting with my friends.

John Henry came home for winter break.

Leaving this morning for a short trip to the mountains.

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What I’m wearing

I don’t have much bright color in my closet, but I somehow pulled together this Valentine’s Day ensemble. It made me feel a bit conspicuous when we went to the movies, but part of being 51 is owning that. So I did. I also don’t know what weird thing I’m doing with my hand and I removed the waist bag before we went out because it totally screwed up all the lines.

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What I’m cooking

I cooked some Rancho Gordo pink and black beans on Wednesday. A pot of broccoli cheddar soup on Thursday. Last night, I made chicken enchiladas for John Henry’s arrival. I also remember eating cheese & crackers and an apple for supper at least one night (one of my favorite meals).

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Favorite Photo I Took This Week

Goofy Winifred.

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Where I went

I was home all week again, which was great. At present, we’re en route to a vacation spot to breathe mountain air for a few days. A pause feels like a good idea. February, as I’ve mentioned, is my least favorite month — if it weren’t for Valentine’s Day it seems there would be no light at all.

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What I did

I painted, I drew, I wrote, I saw friends, I spent some time with my husband/my love/my guy. I edited my shelves, I spiffed up my space, I made messes in the studio and cleaned them up. I helped with sister’s photo shoot, read, meditated, did yoga. I sold a painting and dreamt up some more. I questioned my path. Then I didn’t, because what I was doing felt right. I reminded myself several times that all I’m really trying to do every day now is just wait on my next instructions. Life can only happen one breath at the time. My worry lifts and my life drastically improves when I can manage to live that way, even for just a minute.

I read that list back to myself and know how privileged I am. I am grateful.

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What I made

I began drawing a series that I’m calling Sissy’s Elephants. Stay tuned. They’re kinda delightful.

I started a new blue leather capelet (custom for my sister). I spent less time in my studio than I wanted, but I’m the only one who can change that. Working on it.

There’s that red jacket that I pulled out for Valentine’s Day. I’ll never forget finding it at a Steven Alan sample sale. It’s the very best shade of red.

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Something wonderful I noticed

I get to choose every thought I think and every action I take.

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What brought me joy

Helping bring a beautiful vision to life for my sister’s new project. I had so much fun creating unique looks for her. We worked with everything from a pair of 1940s Japanese indigo farmer pants to a vintage Calvin Klein slip dress (1990s). It was great fun and I got to use some muscles that aren’t engaged enough.

And I must brag on my sweet H. He won Valentine’s Day hands down. He wrote a haiku for me, had his (fluent in Japanese) brother translate it, and then he hand lettered it on a card. It is such a prize and I was blown away by such a romantic gesture. I told my girl Sarah about it and she suggested I might want to teach a class. All I know is, I’m a lucky girl.

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Prayer

Thank you, Great Spirit, for giving me the strength to let go of everything I cannot control, which is everything outside of myself.

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Intention for the week to come

May I be present before I am concerned with being anything else.

May I breathe peace in, and breathe love out.

May I meet others with kindness and acceptance and still keep my boundaries.

May I feel confident enough in those boundaries to be flexible in my actions.

May I use my words for good.

May I be grateful.

May I trust.

May I be open to what the Great Spirit knows is for me, and may I walk my path accordingly by remembering I can only take it one step at the time.

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Something I’m thinking about

How much life I have left to live (with any hope) and everything I can do with it. I’m in such a good creative place at present, and would like very much to stay there, whether it be in more organized ways or if it stays like it is now — I’m working on music one day, painting the next, creative directing constantly, advising and consulting on this thing or that — it’s an interesting space and one I like. However, the critic in me tells me to hone, to not spread too thin, to dig deeper and do less with more. I’m not sure where I’m going right now — everything feels by the nose.

I’m starting to not only understand but live the concept of Yes And. Non-dual thinking. And I think the only way to get there is by going through enough life. The only way to gain wisdom is to earn it. The only way we earn it is by surrendering to the unknown and learning how to let go. Once we do that, everything feels easier. There are fewer quandaries because fewer possibilities are entertained, or maybe fewer hours are spent worrying about things that don’t matter.

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Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Buddha

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Habit

A mid-morning, post yoga cup of tea. It’s a tiny meditation and thank you to my body for continuing to hold me up.

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Best Word or Term

Falsiloquence: deceitful speech

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Wishes

1. That I recognize every opportunity to feel joy, and that I take each one.

2. That my fellow creatures do that too.

3. That you all are content and well.

4. That you will forward this to one person you think might like it.

Have a wonderful, peaceful, joyous week. And thank you for supporting my work here at The Autotelic.

Peace. Love.

Allison

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