My Sunday List
February 2, 2025
Words
If the reader prefers, this book may be regarded as fiction. But there is always the chance that such a book of fiction may throw some light on what has been written as fact. —Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast
Music
Rest by Michael Kiwanuka. A dear friend sent this song to me several months ago. It was the perfect time for me to hear it. It comforted me then, and it comforts me now. Kiwanuka’s beautiful, soulful, mellow tone makes me do exactly what the song says: rest, at least in my soul.
The best thing about a gift like this is its transferability. Whoever needs to rest today, here’s your invitation. And the strings are gorgeous on this track.
I watched
I watched a bit of the latest Bill Maher episode the other night but abandoned it. Watching anything news-related is a risk, now more than ever. Maybe that’s a lesson that we were never meant to be glued to everything that’s happening that we can’t directly control. I don’t yet know how to comprehend a lot of the things I’m seeing.
Book
Still on The Book by Alan Watts.
Yes, I am still on this book. It’s one of those that requires retracing the steps quite often. The density of the ideas takes a minute to absorb. The first sentence of the preface: “This book explores an unrecognized but mighty taboo—our tacit conspiracy to ignore who, or what, we really are.”
It’s also teaching me about Vedanta, which is what Watts used for the basis of this thesis. However, I don’t know enough about it myself yet to write a single syllable on it. That’s the deepest part of the knowledge I’ve acquired from this slim volume so far.
Gratitude
I’m grateful to see the sun shining this morning. I’m grateful for my health, my relatively long life, my healing heart, and the sense of safety I feel with myself. As in, I’m beginning to trust me to take care of me. It’s a deep realization, but I figured out some time in the past two years that I’ve carried a subconscious sense of failure inside myself for most of my life. Driven into me at a young age by the decimation x five of my family, the uncertainty I’ve felt about my ability to survive and keep everyone else alive too is deep. But on the other side of the mountain (I call fifty the mountain), I can see how it got there and what it served to do.
I’m deeply grateful to see it and to have the sense to conclude that I carried a burden that wasn’t mine for a very long time. It has most negatively affected me as a parent and partner—my anxiety has sometimes driven me to seek perfection while I should’ve been seeking something much deeper, and has driven me to seek peace without knowing what would give it to me. I’m learning what does.
I’m most grateful for progress. For learning. I think that’s what we’re here to do.
The way you do anything is the way you do everything.
Why Don’t You…
(apologies to Ms. Vreeland, of course).
throw away your cracked and chipped dishes?
buy a new set of sheets for spring?
plan a Valentine’s Day event for yourself?
buy secondhand or vintage when you can?
What I made
I finally got to a few paintings the other evening. More elephants. It made me think about doing another sort of series like I did last year—with a charitable element. I’m thinking about it. That’s something I want to make more time for soon. The creative energy is high right now. Inspiration begets inspiration. And inspiration, as Da Vinci said (I didn’t fact check that so I could be misattributing), is best found while working.
Favorite photo of the week
What brought me joy
yoga.
writing.
painting.
good conversations.
laughing.
animals.
sunshine and rain.
when my coffee was just the right color.
Prayer
Thank you, Great Spirit, for the life you give me every day. Thank you for the blessing of my son, my sister, my family both biological and chosen. Thank you for the blessing of this experience, even when it seems like the hard times are too hard and too many. I know I must walk through periods of difficulty in order to learn what I need to learn until I transmute the lessons and see that every encounter with my woundedness is an opportunity to address it, not to try to numb the pain.
Humble me and lift me out of my pit. Send me the tests I need to remind me to choose the path that leads my soul home and to turn to you with every breath. Please strengthen my faith so I might hand all matters over to you and the wisdom to know you will work miracles in me through whatever you place in my blessed path. Remind me my choices determine my experiences and my lessons can come through positive ones rather than the opposite.
Allow me to gracefully release what is not meant for me and to hold tightly and lovingly to what is. Allow me to be open to change every day as you remind me it is the only constant besides you. Allow me to repair what is broken. Allow me awareness of my dissociative tendencies and keep me present so I may make choices that reflect the life I desire. Allow me clarity, focus, and courage. Allow me to rise to my highest vibration each day and spread truth and beauty wherever I go. May I learn how to truly forgive. With deep gratitude I pray that your will, and not mine, shall be done.
Intention for the week to come
May I be present and fully inhabit my mind, spirit, and physical body.
May I walk through the world with an open heart and without judgment.
May I be curious and ask questions before I decide.
May I breathe peace in, and breathe love out.
May I be humble and see myself clearly so I may accept my limitations while working to lovingly decrease them. May my progress be reflected through my actions, seen and unseen.
May I have the self-possession and grace to meet others with the kindness and acceptance I desire for myself.
May I find the flexibility in myself to gracefully accept the imperfections of life and not take inconveniences personally.
May I think before I speak.
May I think MORE than I speak.
May I first do no harm.
May I be grateful for what I have and may I not seek more for my selfish gain.
May I allow myself to trust but may I also always use my discernment.
May I have CLARITY and find a way to be CALM about it.
May I be patient.
May my vibration resonate in harmony with the universe.
May I remember it isn’t about me.
May I do good work.
May I have optimism and positive thoughts.
May I be open to what the Great Spirit knows is for me, and may I walk my path accordingly by remembering I can only take it one step at a time.
Something I’m thinking about
Well, during the pause that came between reading this heading and figuring out just what exactly I’ve been thinking about, I discovered I’ve been thinking about everything from the concept of infinity and trying to comprehend and get comfortable with it to how the color pink casts the most beautiful glow of all the colors. I’ve considered painting my house pink. It’s a mood.
Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Buddha
Habit
I’ve been pulling tarot cards recently after having put them away for a while in an effort to clear my coffee table. I’m not leaning on anything but God and my own sense to lead me in my life, but I do think we have tools all around us that can help us hear our own intuition. We know what our answers are, even if only subconsciously. The answers are within us and they’ve always been. Turning inward and hearing your inner voice, your inner power, is a practice and a choice.
Wishes
That we all are and will be well.
That we all are loved.
That we all put our pasts behind us every minute.
That we all have a glorious and fulfilling week.
That everyone who reads this will feel peace in at least some small way.
That you will forward this to one person you think might like it.
Have a wonderful, peaceful, joyous week. And thank you for supporting my work here at The Autotelic.
Peace. Love.
Allison
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I also feel joy when my coffee is the right shade, and that first sip is akin to communion wine.
I strongly recommend Neko Case's new memoir -- as a fellow alien, I think it will speak to you.