My Sunday List
July 23, 2023 - on home away from home
Quote
It is not easy to give closeness and freedom, safety plus danger. —Florida Scott-Maxwell (on mothering)
Song
I’ve been trying to absorb as much quiet as I can. Leaves rustle secrets outside the open windows in these mountains, birds sing at the first hint of dawn, the river rushes. If sound were a color, and sometimes it is, it would be a light, bluebird blue.
I watched
The Diplomat on Netflix.
H. and I are three episodes in, and enjoying this show. It’s smart, funny, and I love anything that gives me even a greatly dramatized glimpse into the world of politics and how things go down, how deals are struck, and how personalities that play on the world stage are managed. After all, people are just people, no matter their job. We all struggle with hangups, and what I like about this show so far is the light it shines on that. Just because some people are in charge of making decisions that can affect the wide world with a snap of their fingers doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling with ego, relationships, and whatever maladies they drag along. I like it. And the acting is superb. Keri Russell’s wardrobe is also pretty tasteful.
Book
Still at it.
I also started The Joy Luck Club.
Thing
Another heavy heart for my collection.
Favorite Photo I Took This Week
Prayer
Thank you, Great Spirit, for the breath in my body, for my experience on this earth, and for your grace at work in the universe. Thank you for your protection and guidance while I travel through. Please help me keep my heart and mind attuned to the utmost and highest version of myself.
Intention for the week to come
I wrote this one last week, and I’m having a hard time thinking of anything to change. I think I’ll stay with it — it feels solid.
May I stay balanced and in tune with my needs so that I can meet life’s challenges with hard-earned skill and grace. May I find comfort in the solitude I seek and in the creative spirits that flow through me. May I be a strong and loving mother, a supportive and empathetic partner, a solid and sensitive friend, and a good and kind sister.
Something I’m thinking about:
Mother Energy.
I’ve been thinking about what it takes to make a home this week. I’m in Colorado with John Henry, who’s attending an adventure day camp for individuals on the autism spectrum for a few weeks. I think it’s safe to say that for most mothers, vacation with children isn’t really vacation — we basically have to provide the usual, just in a different environment than we’re used to, and it’s not always easy to do. There’s quite a bit of skill involved — finding the right place to stay, figuring out how to hunt and gather what is needed so the temporary nest doesn’t feel quite so temporary, establishing a schedule when you’re off your schedule — what mothers know is that even when adventure is afoot, routine keeps the family grounded (scroll back up to the quote of the week).
I think I’m starting to understand the advantage of being born on the cusp of gemini and cancer (my birthday is June 21). I have a ton of cancer in me for sure — I love home, I make a nest wherever I go — but the gemini in me keeps me on my toes and interested in, and therefore willing to explore, many different things. I feel like there’s a way to balance the two sides of myself and as I grow healthier, stronger, and more in tune with both of them.
Reaching a moment of exhale and peace with one’s existence is a fascinating thing. Most days there is so much struggle — how can I be the mother I want to be and be the artist I want to be and be the partner I want to be and the and the and the and the want want want… tension builds in the mind and the body. But there are days when balance is, if not exactly achieved, perfectly imagined.
Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Buddha
Habit
Tea at bedtime. Rituals we carry with us make us feel at home wherever we go.
Wishes
That I feel joy every time I am able, and that I spread that joy to others.
That I take good care of my family, make good art, and keep myself clear of negative emotions and harmful stress.
That I meet others with love and compassion, even when I know I’m dealing with their trauma and not the real them.
That you will forward this to one person and that person becomes a subscriber too.
Have a wonderful, peaceful, joyous week. And thank you for supporting my work here at The Autotelic.
Lots of love,
Allison
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Access to the chat feature on the Substack app.
Paid subscriber only Saturday posts.
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Surprises from time to time.
Thanks for checking in. I/we love you a whole bunch. Enjoy the time away from the usual stuff. ❤️
"If sound were a color, and sometimes it is, it would be a light, bluebird blue. "
I love you, AM.
JB
(Diggin' those Third Eye Trees!)