My Sunday List
January 26, 2025
Words
That which we experience when we are in love is perhaps our normal state. Being in love shows a person who they should be. —Anton Chekhov
Music
I might’ve never mentioned that Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday. I have always felt an attachment to its utter frivolity and dedication to romance for the sake of romance. If you can’t make life beautiful, why make it anything at all?
I’ve lamented how certain relationships in my life have changed. But the time for that has passed now—I feel an openness to love it all its forms. Life changes every second. How can we expect each other not to do the same? As we want freedom of choice for ourselves, so do others, and everyone should be allowed to transform at the rate they wish.
Love is a burst, a blossom, a blessing that springs from the love we have for ourselves. I plan to spend this coming Valentine’s Day celebrating all its forms—platonic, parental, friendship, partnership, romantic, intellectual, et al.
And I’ll be listening to this album knowing that I won’t ever give up on finding my heart a home.
I watched
Lee with Kate Winslet as WWII war correspondent Lee Miller. Winslet is terrific in this role. Highly recommended. Especially right now.
Book
Still on The Book by Alan Watts.
Gratitude
I’m grateful to be developing a better relationship with myself. Does that make sense? I’m one of my favorite people to spend time with. That has rarely been the case during the years that are now behind me.
I’m beginning to know myself, what I need, what feels good and right, and how not to ignore myself. My standards are settling back into place. I’m beginning to know what poisons I bring to the table and how to keep from serving it to others. I’m beginning to understand that love with any agenda but to allow it to build on itself is rarely love. Circle back to knowing the self.
I’m grateful for the time and space to think about how to do that. So very grateful.
The way you do anything is the way you do everything.
Why Don’t You…
(apologies to Ms. Vreeland, of course).
put a few lavender sachets in your top drawer?
tidy up your bookshelves?
make a little space wherever you need a little space?
appreciate the progress you’re making?
What I made
I wrote quite a bit this week. My work continues to challenge my attention span but not in a bad way—I love the feeling of deep focus. The Scout story continues to call. I’ve written a couple scenes and I’m figuring out how to make space for it. See above in the “why don’t you” section. There seem to be times in life that require baby steps. I think that’s frustrated me in the past—I like to move fast and have probably been addicted to excitement for most, if not all, of my life. I’m now in recovery from that way of living and clearly see it at work in what’s behind me. What we can’t learn from we are doomed to repeat, and I’m feeling more confident about my ability to distill my experiences into some sort of wisdom. I now seek boredom. Boredom rules. Also, I’ve hardly ever been bored and am certainly not now. I have the blessing of curiosity and willingness to be a student. Honing those things is what I’m concentrating on now. The excitement is beginning to come from within.
Favorite photo of the week
What brought me joy
yoga.
quiet time.
hugs and sweetness.
Prayer
Thank you, Great Spirit, for the life you give me every day. Thank you for the blessing of my son, my sister, my family both biological and chosen. Thank you for the blessing of this experience, even when it seems like the hard times are too hard and too many. I know I must walk through periods of difficulty in order to learn what I need to learn until I transmute the lessons and see that every encounter with my woundedness is an opportunity to address it, not to try to numb the pain.
Humble me and lift me out of my pit. Send me the tests I need to remind me to choose the path that leads my soul home and to turn to you with every breath. Please strengthen my faith so I might hand all matters over to you and the wisdom to know you will work miracles in me through whatever you place in my blessed path. Remind me my choices determine my experiences and my lessons can come through positive ones rather than the opposite.
Allow me to gracefully release what is not meant for me and to hold tightly and lovingly to what is. Allow me to be open to change every day as you remind me it is the only constant besides you. Allow me to repair what is broken. Allow me awareness of my dissociative tendencies and keep me present so I may make choices that reflect the life I desire. Allow me clarity, focus, and courage. Allow me to rise to my highest vibration each day and spread truth and beauty wherever I go. May I learn how to truly forgive. With deep gratitude I pray that your will, and not mine, shall be done.
Intention for the week to come
May I be present and fully inhabit my mind, spirit, and physical body.
May I walk through the world with an open heart and without judgment.
May I be curious and ask questions before I decide.
May I breathe peace in, and breathe love out.
May I be humble and see myself clearly so I may accept my limitations while working to lovingly decrease them. May my progress be reflected through my actions, seen and unseen.
May I have the self-possession and grace to meet others with the kindness and acceptance I desire for myself.
May I find the flexibility in myself to gracefully accept the imperfections of life and not take inconveniences personally.
May I think before I speak.
May I think MORE than I speak.
May I first do no harm.
May I be grateful for what I have and may I not seek more for my selfish gain.
May I allow myself to trust but may I also always use my discernment.
May I have CLARITY and find a way to be CALM about it.
May I be patient.
May my vibration resonate in harmony with the universe.
May I remember it isn’t about me.
May I do good work.
May I have optimism and positive thoughts.
May I be open to what the Great Spirit knows is for me, and may I walk my path accordingly by remembering I can only take it one step at a time.
Something I’m thinking about
Flowers. Japanese Maples. Obviously, I’m thinking about what I want to plant in the spring. Maybe those raised beds I’ve been threatening to put in the tiny patch of lawn in the front of the house. And working on the meditation garden I never got to last fall. As always, there is a lot of work that needs to be done. But as I said way up at the top, if I can’t make life beautiful, why make it anything at all? We are not judged by our intentions but they do count. If we don’t have them we’re sure to fail, happy accidents notwithstanding. I’ve learned that happy accidents happen a lot less often than good results from good work.
Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Buddha
Habit
An apple a day.
A bowl of blueberries per day.
Being accountable. Being honest.
Removing myself from toxicity.
Minding my own business.
Wishes
That we all are and will be well.
That we all are loved.
That we all put our pasts behind us every minute.
That we all have a glorious and fulfilling week.
That everyone who reads this will feel peace in at least some small way.
That you will forward this to one person you think might like it.
Have a wonderful, peaceful, joyous week. And thank you for supporting my work here at The Autotelic.
Peace. Love.
Allison
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I understand about being addicted to excitement. When you come from childhood trauma, it's easy to become addicted to excitement. Like you, I'm finding the excitement within.
when i was a kid, and i told my Daddy I was “bored” he’d say “you don’t have to be entertained.” I’m so grateful for those words now. It’s true - i relish the time, space & quiet for finding boredom. I am - along with my best pup - my favorite person to hang out with.
Sade… mmmmhmmmm, GenX treasure