My Sunday List
A Definite Point of View|| April 27, 2025
Words
““If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”—Gospel of Thomas
Music
Pairs well with Melancholia I by Albrecht Dürer.
Don’t forget Natalie Hemby in conversation with me at The Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum, May 24, 2025. I think the event is sold out, but there is a waiting list.
What I’ve Been Writing About
I’ve been releasing thoughts from my brain in longhand a lot lately. Every day feels intense and packed past the edge of available time. With so much in my brain, I’m leaning on my early morning journal practice. I think it’s a good practice to lean toward positivity if possible—even if we’re in shambles while alone, seeing another person compels us to care about how they feel when they see us, so I know most of us don’t go around displaying our inner states on purpose. In a whacko season like this it helps to have somewhere to put my worries and innermost, nutso thoughts so I don’t speak them out loud. I remember what I wrote about judgment last July—about how it isn’t actually a practice exclusive to sizing up other people. I’ve come to know that being in judgment really means deciding I know something when I don’t. And that goes for everything—from why people do what they do to anything I decide I’ve got the scoop on that isn’t me.
The way you do anything is the way you do everything.
Book
I haven’t picked up this book, or any other non-work related book since I wrote about this one a few weeks ago. I suppose when I got home from that trip to NYC, I got into yard cleanup and planting mode. Today, I finally got some raised beds in my front yard completed and planted with pollinators and all kinds of pretty things that attract bees, hummingbirds, and butterflies, specifically Monarchs, if they will come. There is bee balm and there are sunflowers as well. It’s a new phase of life for me, and I’m embracing the opportunity to live life without second guessing myself because I’m trying to figure out how to please someone else. It’s nice. With that said, I expect to be finishing North Woods soon.
Gratitude
For so many things this evening.
My home, and even more than that, the ability to make home wherever I go. I know I probably won’t live in this house forever. And that’s okay. It’s a special, soulful place, but it didn’t get to be that without me—I can make magic and beauty happen wherever I go, in some way, somehow, no matter what.
I’m grateful for this community. Thank you for reading what I write. It makes me happy to do it and even happier that you enjoy my efforts and they bring a bit of meaning to your life.
That life is rich and full. It is never uncomplicated, but no one was promised a life of no problems. What would we do if we had that, anyway? I can imagine I’d be pretty pleased with a period of time without friction, but the truth is, I’m a problem solver. I like to put my mind to something, and even more, I like to put my heart into something. What are we here for if we don’t do that?
Desires
Respect for vision. I can imagine what I’d like my life to be like in twenty years. I can create a vision board in my mind and see it float by. But in order to get that vision to materialize, I have to make choices that support it. I don’t always do that, and though I feel like my subconscious is mostly responsible, it’s my work to do to control it instead of vice versa.
To become more comfortable with liminal space. I think this goes hand in hand with non-dualistic thinking—if something doesn’t have to be here or there, if it can be in between, if it can be here and there, I can become more comfortable with maybe. Grey area is different from all roads lead to maybe. Grey area is, to me, is a zone of perpetual non-commitment. But accepting that we don’t know the answers, that anything (most things) can be amorphous—certainly the metaphysical can—brings commitment to non-attachment, which is the only thing we know so far that can prevent suffering.
To continue to learn how to allow life to unfold. That one doesn’t really need an explanation—the mantra closest to my heart these days is, let go, let go, let go.
I spent some time in the studio yesterday working with Kenny on Saint Seven. We have a track coming soon. Promise!
Prayer
Let me be good. Let me remember to talk to you and hear what you have to say to me. Let me value your divine knowing over anything and everything else, over anyone and everyone’s opinion. Let me be choosy about the counsel I seek. Let me be loyal, kind, and compassionate to my friends and family. Let me use good judgment and strength of character in every moment. Let me never forget that each breath is a gift from you, from this universe, from the miracle that is this moment of perfect combustion. Let me be strong in my faith. Let me receive inspiration. Most of all, let me love and be loved.
Intention for the week to come
May I be the best version of myself at every opportunity.
May I be patient. May I be kind.
May I have self-awareness.
May I clear clutter from my life.
May I welcome change.
May I love unconditionally.
May I slow down my emotions and keep them at arms length. They are clues—not answers, not truth.
Something I’m thinking about
How to forgive myself for not knowing what I didn’t or still don’t know. One of the worst things about being dumped is imagining how long the breaker-upper must’ve tolerated you while hating you, before they pulled the trigger on the parachute. I’m not sure there’s any worse feeling than that of being a chump. It comes with such a heavy dose of shame and embarrassment. To be told that you stood in a room where you weren’t wanted, or did something while others laughed behind your back makes you want to go back and erase yourself.
Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Buddha
DO NOT EVER LET THE BASTARDS GET YOU DOWN.
Wishes
That we all receive the love we deserve.
That we all find comfort and peace.
That we all find time for the things that soothe us.
That you will forward this to one person you think might like it.
Have a wonderful, peaceful, joyous week. And thank you for supporting my work here at The Autotelic.
Peace. Love.
Allison
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"Something you're thinking about" will haunt me in my heart for a long long time and I will continue to think about it and hurt for you that you should ever have to feel that way. It's unimaginable to the rest of us.
ox JB
Those of us who survived trauma take rejection even harder. Thanks for being vulnerable.