My Sunday List
December 8, 2024
Words
A wise man learns from others’ mistakes, a smart man learns from his own mistakes, and a fool never learns.
I think many people have said something like this, so I couldn’t figure out how to attribute the quote. It’s a good thought to remember.
Music
To Cy & Lee: Instrumentals, Vol. 1 by Alabaster DePlume.
I discovered this on one of my Spotify jazz mixes. A great record to listen to on Sunday. But it’s a bit melancholy, so be careful with it.
I watched
The first two episodes of Landman and of course, I’m hooked. Taylor Sheridan, who writes all the Yellowstone shows, is at the helm for this one and Billy Bob Thornton delivers the dialogue like only he can. I could do without Sheridan’s soapbox-y jabs at progressives, but I also understand that as well as I can — he explores storylines that seem very high-risk and very testosterone-driven that are set within fat cat, get-richer-than-everyone industries that also happen to be flooded with corruption and people with low morals and little character. I appreciate Sheridan’s point of view — his characters are conflicted and it’s not always easy to tell who the criminal is in a given situation — he reminds me that almost no one is able to live beyond reproach when there’s a foot on their neck.
Book
I’m almost finished with All Fours. I’ve been quite busy these past few weeks and haven’t had that much time to read. One thing I’ll say about Miranda July’s book — I love her willingness to be a weirdo. To be troubled and unsure. To be a bit nuts, even. I guess most everyone has some sort of mid-life crisis — I don’t feel like I ever did — my early life was crisis enough. It’s rare that I pick up a book with a female protagonist and don’t like it.
Favorite moments
Gathering ideas for John Henry’s Christmas. We don’t go so much for stuff, but I like to create a little magic for him so he’ll always have good memories. This year will be different, at least at his Mama’s house. I’m taking the opportunity to relax about it all rather than put pressure on myself to do more. More than ever, it’s about time and thought spent.
Attending the opening of Rosanne Cash’s exhibit, Time Is A Mirror, at The Country Music Hall of Fame & Museum last week. Rose is such a tremendous and generous artist and person — she has always been someone I tried to emulate not only in artistic intention but also in grace and composure. Congratulations to my colleague, R.J. Smith, for curating a beautiful experience. Highly recommended.
Watching my sister, Shelby, sing “Night Life” at the Mickey Raphael show at Brooklyn Bowl the other night. It was one of those performances she’s known for — definitely fifth dimension.
What I’m wearing
The way you do anything is the way you do everything.
Poem
The Gift to Sing || James Weldon Johnson
Sometimes the mist overhangs my path,
And blackening clouds about me cling;
But, oh, I have a magic way
To turn the gloom to cheerful day—
I softly sing.
And if the way grows darker still,
Shadowed by Sorrow’s somber wing,
With glad defiance in my throat,
I pierce the darkness with a note,
And sing, and sing.
I brood not over the broken past,
Nor dread whatever time may bring;
No nights are dark, no days are long,
While in my heart there swells a song,
And I can sing
I’m grateful for
Everything.
I’m happier on this side of the mountain. Things that once mattered just don’t anymore, or at least far less than they used to. Life feels closer to the bone, but it also feels sweeter as a result, just a bit deeper than it did a year ago. The gravity of some situations pulls on me, but I no longer seek to solve them, just do my best to navigate life as it is. I don’t need to seek excitement — plenty of it naturally comes to me.
I’m also grateful that I will be able to go to the funeral service of my mentor, Dr. Alice H. Frederick (nee Hand, Hope Hull, Alabama). Alice was a brilliant woman who married her college sweetheart, a physician, and had five children. She became a Ph.D. psychologist in her forties and worked as a therapist until she was in her eighties. She was vibrant, colorful, highly intelligent, stylish, bold, feminine — I worked for her when I was attending The University of South Alabama in Mobile. I’d arrange my classes to be from 8am—12pm, then I’d work in Alice’s front office from 12:30—6pm, Monday through Friday. She trusted me and taught me I was trustworthy. She exposed me to a world I hadn’t seen much of — the genteel South — and encouraged me to do things like pick a sterling silver flatware pattern and start a collection. I know — that’s some old-school stuff. But y’all know me — I like some old-school things, particularly when it comes to the things that increase the chic in life. Alice wore heavy, gold, rope chains with gold coins on them — at least two at a time, and had an eyeglasses collection that would’ve rivalded Sir Elton’s. She was in the cow business on the side and had some prized bulls up on her cousin Buddy’s land in Hope Hull, just south of Montgomery, where she was from. I used to drive up there from Mobile with her in her gigantic, ice blue, diesel Mercedes sedan. She wore a glove over her hand when she put fuel in it.
I will miss her terribly. The world won’t see another one of her. Best thing she taught me: If it isn’t good for both parties, it isn’t good for either one.
What I made
I didn’t make anything this week I don’t think. I passed by my work table a few times and might’ve made some marks, and I think I gathered some materials for a capelet I’m making for a friend, but I didn’t get to put my hands to use for much except typing.
Wait — I spent Saturday morning in the studio working on a Saint Seven song. I played piano parts and sang and Kenny and I have one more almost finished track for our record.
Sometimes I forget I do things until I look back at the calendar. That means one thing: there’s too much on it.
Favorite photo of the week
What brought me joy
Friendship.
Soup at Stephanie’s house.
Soup at my house. This turned into a delicious NYTimes Cooking soup — Lemony Turkey-Feta Meatball Soup with Spinach.
Ordering pizza with some of my best gals Friday night and laughing for hours.
Hershey’s kisses in red, green, and silver.
My kitten, Sam Callaway — he’s close to getting the snip, snip — he’s developed a crazy look in his eyes and he’s not as sweet as he was, so y’all know what that means — lest he take our breath in the night, I’m about to get him fixed up. But he is still the funniest and most curious thing. I’m keeping a friend’s dog and one of Sam’s favorite things to do is wait until he comes through the front door from being in the yard and pouncing on his back.
This is Willard, our guest dog. He’s the sweetest.
What do y’all think this squirrel has? Looks like a biscuit.
Prayer
Thank you, Great Spirit, for the life you give me every day. Thank you for the blessing of my son, my sister, my family both biological and chosen. Thank you for the blessing of this experience, even when it seems like the hard times are too hard and too many. I know I must walk through periods of difficulty in order to learn what I need to learn until I transmute the lessons and see that every encounter with my woundedness is an opportunity to address it, not to try to numb the pain. Remind me to turn to you with every breath. Please strengthen my faith so I might turn all things over to you and the wisdom to know you will work miracles in me through whatever you place in my blessed path. Remind me my choices determine my experiences and my lessons can come through positive ones rather than the opposite. Allow me to gracefully release what is not meant for me and to hold tightly and lovingly to what is. Allow me to be open to change every day as you remind me it is the only constant besides you. Allow me to repair what is broken. Allow me awareness of my dissociative tendencies and keep me present so I may make choices that reflect the life I desire. Allow me clarity, focus, and courage. Allow me to rise to my highest vibration each day and spread truth and beauty wherever I go. May I learn how to truly forgive. With deep gratitude I pray that your will, and not mine, shall be done.
Intention for the week to come
May I be present and fully inhabit my mind, spirit, and physical body.
May I walk through the world with an open heart and without judgment — may I keep a beginner’s mind.
May I be curious and ask questions before I decide.
May I breathe peace in, and breathe love out.
May I be humble and see myself clearly so I may accept my limitations while working to lovingly decrease them. May my progress be reflected through my actions, seen and unseen.
May I have the self-possession and grace to meet others with the kindness and acceptance I desire for myself.
May I find the flexibility in myself to gracefully accept the imperfections of life and not take inconveniences personally.
May I think before I speak.
May I think MORE than I speak.
May I first do no harm.
May I be grateful for what I have and may I not seek more for my selfish gain.
May I allow myself to trust but may I also always use my discernment.
May I have CLARITY and find a way to be CALM about it.
May I be patient.
May my vibration resonate in harmony with the universe.
May I remember it isn’t about me.
May I do good work.
May I have optimism and positive thoughts.
May I be open to what the Great Spirit knows is for me, and may I walk my path accordingly by remembering I can only take it one step at a time.
Something I’m thinking about
Clarity.
One valuable thing has come out of my solitude this past six months — a clear picture of who I am and what’s important to me.
I possess traits that I don’t like so much, but I possess some that I do like as well. I’m leaning into the positives — even the ones I’ve been told are actually negatives, like my emotionality. My ability to feel is a big part of who I am and why and how I do what I do.
It’s not a case of “what you see is what you get,” it’s more like “what you see is what I’m working every day to improve, but I’ll never be perfect.” There has been a loosening of expectation of me by me of late — I’m not worried about anyone leaving me for being human anymore. And when the pressure is released, so is the tension in the body and spirit.
Feels right.
Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Buddha
Habit
Smiling.
Wishes
That we all are and will be well.
That we all are loved.
That we all put our pasts behind us every minute.
That we all have a glorious and fulfilling week.
That everyone who reads this will feel peace in at least some small way.
That you will forward this to one person you think might like it.
Have a wonderful, peaceful, joyous week. And thank you for supporting my work here at The Autotelic.
Peace. Love.
Allison
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Ya, you got a song here: This Side of the Mountain. I’m happier on this side of the mountain. Things that once mattered just don’t anymore, or at least far less than they used to. Life feels closer to the bone, but it also feels sweeter as a result, just a bit deeper than it did a year ago. The gravity of some situations pulls on me, but I no longer seek to solve them, just do my best to navigate life as it is. I don’t need to seek excitement — plenty of it naturally comes to me.
These Sunday reflections always bring my weekend to a thoughtful close. 💙