My Sunday List
January 5, 2025
Words
I'm not telling you to make the world better, because I don't think that progress is necessarily part of the package. I'm just telling you to live in it. Not just to endure it, not just to suffer it, not just to pass through it, but to live in it. To look at it. To try to get the picture. To live recklessly. To take chances. To make your own work and take pride in it. To seize the moment. And if you ask me why you should bother to do that, I could tell you that the grave's a fine and private place, but none I think do there embrace. Nor do they sing there, or write, or argue, or see the tidal bore on the Amazon, or touch their children. And that's what there is to do and get it while you can and good luck at it. —Joan Didion
Music
This, or something like it, is what I listen to when I get home from work. I love country music and I love my job, which revolves around it, but I need something to clear it all out at the end of the day. For instance, I listened to Don Gibson’s “Oh, Lonesome Me” about fifteen times the other day and it got stuck in my mind—particularly the intro—and it wouldn’t go away. Jazz or classical helps get rid of ear worms.
I watched
Not a whole lot. I sometimes make big plans to watch a movie at night, but I hardly ever do. Today, however, is cold and rainy, so watching one by the fire just might happen. Should it be an old favorite or something I haven’t seen before? We shall see. Love stories aren’t my thing these days. Speaking of jazz, it may be time to start the Ken Burns documentary. That’s been on my list.
Book
I finished All Fours by Miranda July. It’s brave, bare, and bold and presents questions that need to be asked. It’s decidedly modern, and I’m not sure twisting marriage into a new shape to accommodate complete freedom of choice is a great thing for lasting relationships, but who am I to judge? The opposite idea certainly hasn’t worked in my life. I think the overarching message is to draw your own confines—don’t let anyone else do it or you’ll end up resenting that person, which leads to lying, which leads to the breakdown of trust, which leads to misery, which leads to inevitable change, which is the exact thing you didn’t want to welcome, but you did it anyway by allowing yourself to be fenced in thinking it would make the person you’re standing inside the fence for love you permanently. And it just doesn’t work that way. To each her own in the pursuit of what works—every family and every love is unique.
Gratitude
I was looking for a song of mine yesterday on Apple Music, and I happened to glimpse this podcast, called Gratitude. I had no idea this even existed, so you can imagine my surprise when I saw that Miranda Lambert picked my first album as the album that changed everything for her as a young artist.
I’m blown away by how kindhearted she is about my work. When I listened to her talk about Alabama Song, which I made in my early twenties, it made me appreciate myself more and made me more forgiving of myself. I have always taken myself to task for every perceived imperfection. I’m beginning to comprehend that those idiosyncrasies really are what imbue our lives with the most beauty. They allow us to be seen as the one of a kind creatures we are by reminding us that we all have a mark to make that no one else could make.
Thanks, Miranda. I think the world of you.
What I’m wearing
The way you do anything is the way you do everything.
Why Don’t You…
(apologies to Ms. Vreeland, of course).
Play the long game?
Notice the environments in which you can be your best, safest, and most comfortable self?
Consider adopting a perpetual student ethic for life?
Work smarter, not harder?
Something to consider
I’ve been thinking about the idea of developing a sensual practice alongside a spiritual one. Sounds sexy, but on a deeper level, sensuality is about pleasure, isn’t it? I think of it as the pursuit of noticing what makes me feel good and making a bigger space for it. That could mean going to museums more often, making a point to prepare delicious food for myself and not waiting until someone else is with me to cook, or even just sitting still and listening to music without anything else going on. I think our phones take us away from almost all direct experiences and I would like that to not be the case in my life.
What I made
I spent most of my time making space.
It has dawned on me in recent weeks that I don’t have enough time to do everything I want to do. Before I began working full-time outside the house, I had the time to pursue most of my artistic desires. But when I began my position at the museum last April, my workroom time diminished significantly.
And now, it feels like all of my art supplies are taunting me. They’re just there—watercolor papers lying flat and clean, paints are dry and silent—it’s almost more torturous to have the workroom and not be able to use it than it might be to not have it. I’m considering putting most of my art supplies away for the time being so I can focus on finishing up a few projects. Because the thing is, if I can see them, I feel like I should be putting them to use. I know they won’t get up and walk away, but I might turn against them if they continue to be in my sight right now.
If anything, the energy needs shifting in there, so I’m thinking about what I want to do. No impulse decisions, though. I’m using my new reverse engineering method: deciding how I want to feel about something and then working backwards.
Favorite photo of the week
What brought me joy
Friendship.
Holiday spirit, not holiday spending.
Wormholes. As a writer and curator, they’re my business.
Unexpectedly writing a song yesterday.
Prayer
Thank you, Great Spirit, for the life you give me every day. Thank you for the blessing of my son, my sister, my family both biological and chosen. Thank you for the blessing of this experience, even when it seems like the hard times are too hard and too many. I know I must walk through periods of difficulty in order to learn what I need to learn until I transmute the lessons and see that every encounter with my woundedness is an opportunity to address it, not to try to numb the pain.
Humble me and lift me out of my pit. Send me the tests I need to remind me to choose the path that leads my soul home and to turn to you with every breath. Please strengthen my faith so I might hand all matters over to you and the wisdom to know you will work miracles in me through whatever you place in my blessed path. Remind me my choices determine my experiences and my lessons can come through positive ones rather than the opposite.
Allow me to gracefully release what is not meant for me and to hold tightly and lovingly to what is. Allow me to be open to change every day as you remind me it is the only constant besides you. Allow me to repair what is broken. Allow me awareness of my dissociative tendencies and keep me present so I may make choices that reflect the life I desire. Allow me clarity, focus, and courage. Allow me to rise to my highest vibration each day and spread truth and beauty wherever I go. May I learn how to truly forgive. With deep gratitude I pray that your will, and not mine, shall be done.
Intention for the week to come
May I be present and fully inhabit my mind, spirit, and physical body.
May I walk through the world with an open heart and without judgment.
May I be curious and ask questions before I decide.
May I breathe peace in, and breathe love out.
May I be humble and see myself clearly so I may accept my limitations while working to lovingly decrease them. May my progress be reflected through my actions, seen and unseen.
May I have the self-possession and grace to meet others with the kindness and acceptance I desire for myself.
May I find the flexibility in myself to gracefully accept the imperfections of life and not take inconveniences personally.
May I think before I speak.
May I think MORE than I speak.
May I first do no harm.
May I be grateful for what I have and may I not seek more for my selfish gain.
May I allow myself to trust but may I also always use my discernment.
May I have CLARITY and find a way to be CALM about it.
May I be patient.
May my vibration resonate in harmony with the universe.
May I remember it isn’t about me.
May I do good work.
May I have optimism and positive thoughts.
May I be open to what the Great Spirit knows is for me, and may I walk my path accordingly by remembering I can only take it one step at a time.
Something I’m thinking about
Learning how not to abandon myself everyday. That just means allowing myself to be in the center of my life and remembering I must be full and whole before I can help someone else be those things.
Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Buddha
Habit
Slowing down.
Wishes
That we all are and will be well.
That we all are loved.
That we all put our pasts behind us every minute.
That we all have a glorious and fulfilling week.
That everyone who reads this will feel peace in at least some small way.
That you will forward this to one person you think might like it.
Have a wonderful, peaceful, joyous week. And thank you for supporting my work here at The Autotelic.
Peace. Love.
Allison
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Love that you unexpectedly wrote a song. Kudos!
Thank you for posting on both Saturday AND the usual Sunday! It’s wonderful how you inspired Miranda, but not surprising, since you have a special quality that touches people in many ways. Funny, I was just thinking about your artwork and your pictures of Scout. I didn’t know if you had the inclination to get back to painting right now.
Stay focused and fruitful with all your explorations as the New Year unfolds.