My Sunday List
August 18, 2024 | Retrograde is still retrograding.
Words
love can be tough to navigate / when the mind is constantly craving more
craving often blocks us from seeing the incredible person standing right in front of us
craving also disconnects us from gratitude
—yung pueblo
Music
I’m so glad this record is out for all the world to hear. And I hope they get to. My sister wrote the breakup record we didn’t know we needed. It’s really great work and I’m so proud of her. And I’m so glad she moved back to Nashville.
Check it out: Consequences of the Crown (Monument Records)
I watched
I had good intentions. I know, I say that all the time. It’s just very busy. Maybe the busiest time of my life — full time job, full time everything else. By the time John Henry goes to sleep I have one eye maybe half open. Alas, it’s a season. I’m actually quite enjoying it — there isn’t one thing I’m doing that I don’t like doing, in fact. There’s just a lot of it. I’ll look back on these days and remember how alive I felt, even if it sometimes gets jagged.
That said, will y’all send me recommendations for new movies I should watch? I sometimes can’t think of anything and nothing looks good.
Book
The Second Mountain by David Brooks deeply impacted me. It gave me a lot to think about regarding my life and who I am versus who I want to be.
I’m not talking about striving for anything. I might’ve actually outgrown the need to do that and the thought of it, of putting things in front of myself as markers of some phantom kind of success that I need to reach, makes me feel ill. I’m talking about showing up authentically, kindly, and humbly. About thinking of something outside of myself.
It helped me redefine my purpose and it will resonate with me. I hope I can keep it close at hand forever.
I have several books cued up, and am sort of reading at some spiritual study sort of books trying to decide which one I’m going to read next. I’m also still doing the Divine Exchange course with the Center for Action and Contemplation. That’s some good stuff.
I pulled my copy of The Red Book down this morning and flipped through. Felt like a good Sunday thing to do.
Favorite moments
Walking the track at the YMCA with John Henry.
The mornings I woke up and didn’t want to get out of bed but I did anyway. My yoga practice saves me and always sets my heart right.
Every time I made decisions based on the life I want to have rather than what might feel good in a fleeting moment. I don’t always get there, but when I do, I want to recognize it and give myself credit for doing something I’m not really wired to do.
What I’m wearing
Variations on the theme. Does everyone get bored with everything in their closet in August? I like the theme, though. So that’s good. I’ll stay the course and not make any big movements until it’s sweater season. I’ve got some events to dress for this fall too. That’ll be fun.
The way you do anything is the way you do everything.
Poem
Loneliness (by Mary Oliver)
I too have known loneliness.
I too have known what it is to feel
misunderstood,
rejected, and suddenly
not at all beautiful.
Oh, mother earth,
your comfort is great, your arms never withhold.
It has saved my life to know this.
Your rivers flowing, your roses opening in the morning.
Oh, motions of tenderness!
I’m grateful for
The ability to continue to work on myself even though I’m quite sick and tired of it at the moment.
Beautiful books.
My family and my home and my animals.
Resources.
My job.
What I made
I started a Scout piece. She’s been knocking on my door every day after having taken a break for whatever reason. I guess I had to figure out my new rhythm and learn that I have to be completely intentional with my time. Creative projects aren’t something I want to give up but I have to choose wisely what I do with the few hours I have to myself each day. It’s a great practice. It sort of reminds me of the period when John Henry was a baby — mamas quickly learn how to make the most of their free time. The inessential gets cut!
I hope I get to work more on her this week. Y’all have seen her before. Here’s one that one of you beautiful people purchased last fall.
Something wonderful I noticed
I’ve been tuning into quiet. I love noticing the lack of noise in my house sometimes. Maybe the hum of the ceiling fan, Willie’s snoring, the odd click or clack — that’s what it sounds like right now and it’s delicious — but that’s it. Time spent in silence is valuable.
What brought me joy
Music + Prayer + Astrology + My connection to John Henry + Laughing with my sister and my friends + Ordering pizza and not making myself feel badly about it + Writing in my notebook with the best rollerball pen (it slips across the surface) + Getting to do unique things at work + Research + Writing an effective bio in 130 words + Walking to work in the morning in the sunshine and stepping on the stepping stones with the hit song titles and the names of the writers who wrote them — “The Window Up Above,” “Harper Valley P.T.A.,” “The House that Built Me.” It inspires me.
Prayer
Thank you, Great Spirit, for the life you put in me. Thank you for the blessing of this experience. Please give me the strength to turn all things over to you and the faith to know you will work miracles in me through whatever you place in my blessed path. Allow me to gracefully release what is not meant for me, and to hold tightly and lovingly to what is. Allow me clarity, focus, and courage. Allow me to rise to my highest vibration each day. With deep gratitude I pray.
Intention for the week to come
May I be present and fully inhabit my mind, spirit, and physical body.
May I walk through the world with an open heart and without judgment.
May I breathe peace in, and breathe love out.
May I have the self-possession and grace to meet others with kindness and acceptance.
May I find the flexibility in myself to gracefully accept the imperfections of life and not take inconveniences personally.
May I think before I speak.
May I think MORE than I speak.
May I be grateful.
May I allow myself to trust.
May I have CLARITY.
May I be patient.
May my vibration resonate in harmony with the universe.
May I remember it isn’t about me.
May I be open to what the Great Spirit knows is for me, and may I walk my path accordingly by remembering I can only take it one step at a time.
Something I’m thinking about
Impulsivity.
If I can successfully change one thing about myself before I leave this planet, it will be my propensity for impulsivity.
There are many reasons for my need to act on impulse, but they don’t matter when it comes to healing it. I don’t care how I got in the ditch as much as I care about getting out of it.
Impulsivity is insidious. It sneaks up when I least expect it. It’s always there when I forget my job is to be present — waiting for me to give it an opportunity to get me all caught up in my emotions. Waiting to respond until the storm passes is such a better option. I can’t tell you the times I’ve gotten all up in my feelings and made that phone call, sent that reply to that email, or said something I shouldn’t have said. I’m grossed out by that kind of out-of-control behavior these days. Calm, slow, and thoughtful is where my arrow is set. I don’t need excitement. I need the opposite, in fact. It’s amazing what starting to heal the nervous system will reveal. It’s also amazing how my body feels these days — it’s at a high, smooth vibration most of the time. I get triggered, of course, but I recognize it for what it is and give myself time to process before I respond, if I respond at all.
Freedom from trauma is there in the distance. Now it’s just repetition: Bring it back to the breath. Talk to God before you talk to anyone else.
Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Buddha
Habit
Iced coffee. All day.
Best Word or Term
Feckless: lacking initiative or strength of character; irresponsible.
There isn’t anything rare about this word, I just like it. It sounds like what it means. And it also seems to go nicely with ↙️
Reckless: heedless of danger or the consequences of one's actions; rash or impetuous.
Feckless and reckless. Hmmm. That might show up in a song or something somewhere.
Wishes
That we all are and will be well.
That we all are loved.
That we all put our pasts behind us every minute.
That we all have a glorious and fulfilling week.
That you will forward this to one person you think might like it.
Have a wonderful, peaceful, joyous week. And thank you for supporting my work here at The Autotelic.
Peace. Love.
Allison
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I love the poem! I also love iced coffee. I used to get it from McDonald’s, yes McDonald’s, and they couldn’t believe I wanted it without any sweetness!
Thank you for the nice writing!
I’m honestly not sure how I got here, but I find that I look forward to these musings each week! Thank you, Allison!