My Sunday List

September 10, 2023

Quote

Color is one of the great things in the world that makes life worth living to me and as I have come to think of painting it is my effort to create an equivalent with paint color for the world-life as I see it.

—Georgia O'Keeffe, from Georgia O'Keeffe: Art and Letters.'

Song

I’m throwing it WAY back to Portishead. I could listen to this all day, every day. Vibe, cool, detached. And give me that guitar tone ALL DAY. GLORYBOX - a ground break that has never healed over. May it remain.

I watched

I should just probably take this category out of this list. I hardly watch anything, y’all know that already. But I’ll leave it just in case. Most weeks you’ll get

N O T H I N G

because I’m just not drawn to it in a consistent way. But I know there is art to be consumed, appreciated, changed by — in the work that is made in film. It just takes more time than I’m willing to give it most days. My hands have a difficult time not moving. I do want to watch every moment of Ken Burns’ documentaries this fall. We’ll see how I do.

Book

I’m almost finished with “Under The Tuscan Sun.” It is delightful. The descriptive power that Frances Mayes holds in her mind and fingers is a gift. Plenty of people have descriptive power, however. What I’m most taken by is her ability to imbue her femininity and her perspective in her prose.

In the music industry, women aren’t valued as primary resources. Whoops — I said it. But it is true — we are often seen as secondary or in a role of support. Not always — and there are plenty of examples of that. But what I’m talking about is voice. When and where is is our perspective valued? Is a woman’s voice really an alternative, counter-culture voice to only be used as seasoning? I’m pretty sure woman is the vessel for all of humanity. And we get to be second for that?

I took this somewhere I wasn’t intending. But I think my point is that we are taught as writers not to embrace our femininity either in voice or subject. That sucks, and I’m fatigued by that message. My femininity is one of the most powerful things about me and I’m delighted to be feeling like I want to bring that to the fore.

Thing

A triptych of lotus for my dear friend Natasha.

Favorite Photo I Took This Week

Well, see, I’m trying to rebond with my puppy. He gets pretty upset when John Henry is home full-time — he doesn’t get enough Mama. He won’t even sleep in the bed with me anymore. At times he will deign to sleep in his fuzzy bed in my bathroom, but not too much. He has taken over a chair in the living room and is impatiently waiting on me to have time to devote to him. The thing is, I don’t have quite enough Mama for everyone. I do try. But I don’t have one of my own, so I have to Mama myself too, which is sometimes confusing and hard. So just a notice to Willie — I am doing my best, partner. You’re my best, best friend. No Mama has ever loved a dog more than I love you. I’m thrilled you chose me to live with and am doing my best to give you the life you deserve. We’ve got so many wonderful years to go.

I tied him to me with a scarf. I’ve been accused of a lot of things, and I’m guilty of a lot of things, but I don’t think anyone has ever accused me of not trying.

Prayer

Thank you, Great Spirit, for showing me what I need to see every single day, for reminding me that when I listen, I can hear exactly what I need to hear, and for continuously revealing that I always have what I need.

Intention for the week to come

May I be present before I am concerned with being anything else. May I be supported by the universe to make the best decisions for my life and for my family from that present place. May I remember I can only achieve that presence when I allow myself to feel where I am first, before I try to figure out how others feel and then try to base my life and worth on them and what they do. May I remember to keep my mind on myself in the most humble way, may I remember that my relationship with myself is the most important one I have, and that I am autonomous, powerful, and loving.

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Something I’m thinking about

Dominoes. Rather, the domino effect. At present, I am sitting in LaGuardia Airport. It is 5:12am. Weather delayed everything on the east coast yesterday and in my case, my flight got cancelled completely. I spent hours in the airport trying to figure out how to get home, but I ultimately had to spend the night in Manhattan last night. There is no action without reaction. I don’t know how many times this particular thing has happened to me, but life gets disrupted and that’s just the truth of it. How far does it go? When does the effect stop? I don’t think it does — everything is constantly changing, transforming — and that includes us. I take an anxiety medication and have been on it all summer. It has helped me tremendously. Well, I didn’t have my pm dose and boy do I ever feel it. As in waves of nausea! So, bad weather ended up resulting in my having to literally lie down on a horribly dirty floor in the airport just to make sure I didn’t fall down from the wooziness I’m feeling this morning. I don’t know how much I slept but maybe a total of 3 hours. So I’m a wreck! The good news is I’m on a 6am flight home. Fingers crossed.

Update: made it home quite weary but overwhelmingly grateful. 🖤🙏🏻🤍

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Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Buddha

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Habit

Keeping my mind on myself. This is how it goes in my head:

“I wonder what (x) is going to…”

“No, Allison, what are you doing?”

Wishes

1. That I feel joy every time I am able, and that I spread that joy to others.

2. That I take good care of my family, make good art, keep myself clear of negative emotions and harmful stress, and stay open to all of my options.

3. That I meet others with love and compassion, even when I know I’m dealing with their trauma and not the real them.

4. That I am able to push forward with my ideas and meet my goals, little by little, and still allow myself to be human and not work all the time.

5. That you will forward this to one person and that person becomes a subscriber too.

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Have a wonderful, peaceful, joyous week. And thank you for supporting my work here at The Autotelic. New paintings are coming soon!

Lots of love,

Allison

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