My Sunday List
August 25, 2024 | Three more days of mercury retrograde
Words
We often react to strong emotions by forgetting that the ever present law of change ensures that what we feel in this moment will not last forever. A storm may be powerful, but no storm is endless.
—yung pueblo
Music
The Chicks singing The National Anthem at the Democratic National Convention Thursday night. Wow. What a performance and what a fantastic arrangement. Three-part harmony on a tune like The Star Spangled Banner is not a walk in the park. So proud!
I watched
Most of the new season of Emily in Paris. What a ridiculous show but I do quite enjoy it. Lily Collins is adorable and honestly, I think every bit of the costume design is great — there is so much criticism about it, but it’s fun. I also get a good bit of inspiration from the Sylvie (Philippine Leroy-Beaulieu) character’s grown boss lady yet oh so sexy style. She’s a bit of a blonde Carine Roitfeld. Nothing wrong with that.
Book
My week was so busy that I didn’t do much reading outside of work. My bedside stack is all about the heart and spirit — books on change, on becoming aware of how the subconscious drives most behavior, books about how to be an autonomous person while still being someone who can deeply connect with another. All good stuff. Most of it most helpful when absorbed with clarity about who I really am in my center. 2024 has been an eventful year so far, and I know more is to come and big things are on the horizon. But I’m finally beginning to feel a cumulative effect of thirty years of reading the kinds of books I’m talking about — I am, at fifty-two, slowly becoming capable of seeing myself clearly — the good, the great, the bad, the terrible, the extraordinary, the plain, the eager, the scared, the dazzling, the boring, the curious, the stagnant, the brilliant, the stupid, all of it. And I’m starting to accept that it’s all okay and it’s up to me and only me to make the best of all of those qualities.
I’m grateful for those who dig into the why. We certainly couldn’t figure it all out alone, could we?
Favorite moments
Spending time with friends and laughing, bitching, cutting up, and celebrating where we are in life, which is middle-aged and loving it.
Snuggling with my really big (I think he’s probably six feet tall by now) and so sweet son, who teaches me something good at least once every day.
Recognizing my resilience.
Telling John Henry about what my life was like when I was his age (fourteen) and trusting him to hear me. Feeling his interest, compassion, and comprehension.
What I’m wearing
I’m going to challenge myself to dig in during these last two weeks of summer and not drop the ball on getting dressed. It’s so easy to throw on the old faithfuls and not think about it, and I do that a lot — being able to is why I’ve put so much effort into building my wardrobe — but it can get so boring, limp, and end up being a reflection of the ennui that sets in this time of year. Everything is too dry, too hot, and too worn out, like my front yard. There’s always the temptation to add something to the closet to try to bridge the gap between high summer and the first breezes of fall, but I am determined not to fall prey to that impulse this year and push through knowing that I’ll be able to wear a wool blazer soon. And boots, and knee socks, and leather pants and skirts, and and and.
The way you do anything is the way you do everything.
Poem
from Keep Moving by Maggie Smith
Do not talk down to yourself for struggling; the struggle is part of the transformation. Trust that the version of yourself that emerges on the other side will be stronger for it.
I’m grateful for
The ability to be grateful.
My incredible, beautiful, graceful, supportive friends.
My family and my home and my animals.
The air I breathe and the sustenance I receive.
My very cool job.
What I made
I made time to draw a little bit. I’m honestly in a state of suspended animation a lot — I can’t start a thing because I may have to walk away from it. Summer is juggling on a tightrope for me some days. There is so much beauty and depth that comes with the blessing of living with a neurodivergent person, but there is also the physical labor and divided attention that comes with caregiving. I’ve been putting in sixteen-hour days since the end of May. It is my honor to do so, but the cumulative effect of doing, doing, and doing some more with no real break takes my body to a level of general wear and tear from which I hardly ever recover until I can do something to repay my sleep debt. So that’s just something to know, and I’m starting to. And how that knowledge is starting to show up in reality is in allowing myself to just sit sometimes, take a deep breath, and clear my mind of any shoulds, shouldn’ts, or have tos. I have finally realized I’m not in a competition and am happy to walk shoulder-to-shoulder with the rest of the human race. Making is a joyous activity for me and I intend to reclaim it as such instead of another set of markers I’m putting in front of myself. It isn’t about productivity — it’s about escaping captivity. Making art is a portal to deeper truths.
Something wonderful I noticed
I’ve been off of instagram and facebook for almost two months now. My life is better because of it.
What brought me joy
Ordering fall bulbs and planning a few new flower beds for the front yard + picking out a paint color for some freshening up of the studio + pruning my thirsty plants and replacing a few shrubs that suffocated in the heat + decluttering and cleaning out some piles of things that had grown + taking bold steps to push my life forward in the direction I want it to go + worn-in loafers that feel like old friends + crisp, white shirts.
Prayer
Thank you, Great Spirit, for the life you put in me. Thank you for the blessing of this experience. Please give me the strength to turn all things over to you and the faith to know you will work miracles in me through whatever you place in my blessed path. Allow me to gracefully release what is not meant for me, and to hold tightly and lovingly to what is. Allow me clarity, focus, and courage. Allow me to rise to my highest vibration each day. With deep gratitude I pray that your will, and not mine, shall be done.
Intention for the week to come
May I be present and fully inhabit my mind, spirit, and physical body.
May I walk through the world with an open heart and without judgment.
May I breathe peace in, and breathe love out.
May I have the self-possession and grace to meet others with kindness and acceptance.
May I find the flexibility in myself to gracefully accept the imperfections of life and not take inconveniences personally.
May I think before I speak.
May I think MORE than I speak.
May I be grateful.
May I allow myself to trust.
May I have CLARITY.
May I be patient.
May my vibration resonate in harmony with the universe.
May I remember it isn’t about me.
May I be open to what the Great Spirit knows is for me, and may I walk my path accordingly by remembering I can only take it one step at a time.
Something I’m thinking about
How to keep my present self on a positive path that is nourishing and liberating.
The challenge of staying in my present self.
How most of our actions reflect a desire to heal our original woundedness, whatever the woundedness is.
Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Buddha
Habit
Waiting.
Best Word or Term
Shenan.
You know if he shenans once, he’s gonna shenanigan.
Wishes
That we all are and will be well.
That we all are loved.
That we all put our pasts behind us every minute.
That we all have a glorious and fulfilling week.
That you will forward this to one person you think might like it.
Have a wonderful, peaceful, joyous week. And thank you for supporting my work here at The Autotelic.
Peace. Love.
Allison
There are first edition copies of I Dream He Talks to Me and Blood in the shop. I will sign each copy that is ordered. If you would like it personalized, please send an email with your order number and the name you would like on the signature page to allisonmoorercontact@gmail.com.
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As another mom of an amazing neurodivergent human, a 30/y/o female, I understand the going-going-going. In the realm of respite through creativity/art, you might check out Art Therapist Amy Maricle's https://mindfulartstudio.com/ I have used a version of her slow drawing technique as a part of morning meditative practices.
Thank you Allison for sharing with such honesty and transparency a glimpse of your every now and then moment of your existence! I am grateful for human being like you and it inspires my inner courage and bravery ☺️ It’s interesting although I know each one of us are connected and we all have a role to play beyond our understanding and I made peace with that through faith and beliefs in myself and the Universe, as I'm searching for direction and let go, I saw your email and was drawn to it, I just recently subscribe to substack and receive emails from my preferences I selected when I signed up. Long story, your story, the layout of your email, every aspects have answered my request for direction, hence how important to fulfill our hearts desire and share with the world in your instance a commemorative moments of your life is now helping mine and find my courage to move forward. With much gratitude and wishing you to fulfill your dreams I deeply thank you and your courage. Xxx