My Sunday List

March 10, 2024

Words

Perhaps the first step in making the Middle Passage meaningful is to acknowledge the partiality of the lens we were given by family and culture, and through which we have made our choices and suffered their consequences. If we had been born of another time and place, to different parents who held different values, we would have had an entirely different lens. The lens we received generated a conditional life, which represents not who we are but how we were conditioned to see life and make choices… We succumb to the belief that the way we have grown to see the world is the only way to see it, the right way to see it, and we seldom suspect the conditioned nature of our perception.

—James Hollis

*I found this on The Marginalian this morning, after Hayes came in and asked me if I’d read it. I’m so glad he did — a perfect description of becoming conditioned by our lives.

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Song

I’ll just leave this here.

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I watched

The new episodes of Masters of the Air, The Swans, and New Look. All three of these shows are blowing me away with their production value. The writing excels as well. I think one of the reasons I sort of turned away from television during the 2010’s was not only because I didn’t really make time for it, but also because of the abundance of what I call mundanity culture — shows about things I could live out if I just walked around the corner. That’s not really entertaining to me, it’s depressing. I like drama.

I know you’re so surprised.

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Book

I’m getting near the end of Seven Thousand Ways to Listen.

My favorite passage from my week of (not much) reading is on page 183:

Long ago, a discipline of Confucius, Zi Gong, asked, ‘Is there any one word that could guide a person throughout life?’ The Master replied, ‘How about shu (reciprocity)? Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself.’ This is another form of holding nothing back and giving your heart to another. This is one of the earliest voicings of the golden rule.

All of us are roots and shoots in the human garden. As far as we root in the earth is as far as we sprout in the world. Each of us destined to find our particular path to the light, so much depending on whether we choke each other or not along the way.

For some reason it feels right to put this here. Willie always finds the light.

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Favorite moments

• A tiny dinner with a few old friends on a cozy night. I prepared cream of tomato soup and grilled cheeses with a side salad and plenty of love and atmosphere.

  

• This morning, I donated $375 to The Elephant Sanctuary thanks to y’all! It means the world to me that this community is so supportive of my visual artwork, and even more that we were able to contribute to a great cause through it. Because this painting series was inspired by my sister, Shelby, I made the donation from The Autotelic in her name, which makes her eligible for a day of volunteering. Thank you all again for helping me honor her and these majestic creatures with which we are so lucky to walk the planet.

  

  

  

  Y’all are the best.

• Least favorite moment: watching that weird stepford handmaiden Katie Britt gasp for her last living breath in her best fundy baby voice in her faux-teary rebuttal to Biden’s State of the Union address. That was one of the scariest things I’ve ever seen. And what a lying liar. I wonder if she has some babies frozen at UAB? Oh Alabama, where an ice cube is a baby. Where a woman has fewer rights than a house cat.

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What I’m wearing

My mind isn’t on what I’m wearing so much as what I’m not wearing.

I just realized I can’t leave that there. That would be pretty funny. Did I tell y’all I have a slightly dirty mind? I contain multitudes.

What I mean is, cleaning out the excess feels like the right direction. It’s an act of self-love to give yourself space and to rid yourself of way too many choices. An excess of choices creates discontentment, I think, and it definitely waters down your style.

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I can’t go on. I go on. —Samuel Beckett.

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What I’m cooking

My friend Lisa Donovan writes for The New York Times, and her recipe for Four-Layer Surprise brought back some memories this week. When I was in high school, this was called “Chocolate Delight.” My bff and I were in all of the clubs in those days, which was good training for the balancing acts we do today (we made to-do lists as 15-year-olds, y’all — have mercy), and for one of them, The Anchor Club, we’d sometimes make several of these to have after a meeting. We used Pecan Sandies (a shortbread cookie) and butter for the crust, but the rest is the same. I’ll probably make one soon for an excuse to have a ladies lunch at my house.

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Favorite Photo I Took This Week

Sometimes focus isn’t required to see. I crave softness and warmth in photos as much as its opposite — the subject always dictates.

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I’m grateful for:

The power of music in my life. It has provided me a path, a community, and a sense of myself that I might not otherwise have.

My family and friends.

Forgiveness.

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What I made

Maybe a mushroom series is next? I made this outfit out of 3 matching doilies that were given to me by mother-in-law. It was just a burst of inspiration and seeing. But now I want to make a real-life version of this outfit.

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What brought me joy

Noticing joy. Meta, but yes.

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Prayer

Thank you, Great Spirit, for giving me the strength to let go of everything I cannot control, which is everything outside of myself.

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Intention for the week to come

May I be present before I am concerned with being anything else.

May I breathe peace in, and breathe love out.

May I meet others with kindness and acceptance and still keep my boundaries.

May I feel confident enough in those boundaries to be flexible in my actions.

May I use my words for good.

May I be grateful.

May I trust.

May I have CLARITY.

May I be patient.

May I be open to what the Great Spirit knows is for me, and may I walk my path accordingly by remembering I can only take it one step at the time.

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Something I’m thinking about

I was talking to a friend this morning about boundaries, and I think the most important ones to develop are those we impose on ourselves. That begins, for me, with where we allow our minds to go and what we allow our bodies to do. I think it has far less to do with others than we’re told it does and that we think it does.

Personal boundaries are like a diet — if we want to lose 10 pounds, we restrict our eating to the healthiest choices. I find that if I give myself emotional boundaries like I give myself food and exercise boundaries, I can stay in a pretty well place. I want to stop calling it a good place — to me, that villainizes anyone who is not in a good place. Emotional states aren’t good or bad, they are only what they are and they are all acceptable if we know what to do with them. But a well place is nothing but not sick. It is not necessarily a happy place, or even a content place, but it is an aware place — one in which we can see ourselves, others, our relationships, our work, and the world at large clearly, and that allows us to function in emotionally balanced, or well, way.

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Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Buddha

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Habit

Same as last week: Telling myself that I can be mad tomorrow, but for today, I’m going to lead with kindness and self-awareness.

And I’m keeping at it because it might be one of the best things I’ve ever tried to trick myself with. What’s funny is that I totally admit that if I think I can be mad about something tomorrow, I can hold off on exercising that right today. I just need to hold it in reserve, I suppose. The very definition of resentment? To tuck away to use later? Maybe, but does it matter if I never get to it?

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Best Word or Term

Hemidimisemiquaver: in music, a 1/64 note

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Wishes

1. That I recognize every opportunity to feel joy, and that I take each one.

2. That my fellow creatures do that too.

3. That you all are content and well.

4. That you will forward this to one person you think might like it.

Have a wonderful, peaceful, joyous week. And thank you for supporting my work here at The Autotelic.

Peace. Love.

Allison

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