29/2021
I opened the email early this morning. I usually get something from DailyOm everyday, but don’t often have time to do anything with it but hit delete after I appreciate the subject line. Today’s stopped me, however, and I opened it.
“A Self-Esteem Exercise.”
I skimmed the article and saw the assignment: “Begin by writing down at least five things that you like about yourself. This is not the time to be modest. If you are having trouble coming up with a total of five items, you know that this exercise can really benefit you.”
So there went my mind, off into the far reaches of what I know about myself. Was there anything there that I actually do like? This sort of positive inventory is not a common practice for me. I fight my inner bitch voice every minute — you know the one that tells you your worst attributes, not your best — I’m usually concentrating on the list of things I don’t like. I quiet her (some of you know I called her UMB, short for unmerciful bitch), but also live in fear that she will escape her interior position and expose me for the ugly, vile creature I know I am.
That sounds harsh. And I know it is. But the realization of such makes it no less true.
You know what comes next. I’m going to try to make the list. It is now 9:56am. I’ll be back when I have it.
Okay. It’s now 11:04am. It was not easy to make this list, but here are five things that I like about myself:
I am creative. Creativity is a requirement for every person’s life, because at the end of the day, creativity isn’t just about making art, it’s about problem-solving.
I am sensitive. It isn’t always ideal to feel like you’re walking around without the layer of protection that is needed to protect the self against what the world throws in your direction, but if you have too much covering it can be easy to forget how others might feel or experience the onslaught of the projectiles.
I am dependable. If I say I’m going to do something, I try to make sure I do it. I’m also pretty good in a crisis.
I am curious. I hope I never stop being interested. I hope I never stop being willing to listen and learn. I hope I never stop trying new things.
I am a celebrator. I love to point the light toward the fantastic. I love to mark occasions but also throw a party for no good reason. I love to give love.
Okay then. Why don’t YOU make a list now?
Sending love everywhere,
AM
I love this and will now have to see what I can drum up about myself. (And, following Ellen's example, I'd like to add "truthteller" to your list. You always seem to get to the truth, the real, difficult, core truth, even if you have to sneak up on it sideways. And, you share that truth so generously with the rest of us. Thank you.)
You are also an amazing mom and an incredible musician. You are a vocal supporter and gas-up for your friends. You are incredibly gracious. And you really know how to create a beautiful space, as evidence by the glimpses of your house that we get during Sunday concerts. That took me literally one minute and I don't even know you! :)