I know, it’s that time of year — deep summer, when the air gets thick with heat and cloudy mist. Maybe the heaviness in the atmosphere gives the spirits an easier way to travel or maybe it’s just the anniversaries, but the veil is thin these days.
The video that was ordered for Nathan, but I addressed it to Justin instead.
The photograph of her that I haven’t seen in years, materializing out of nowhere.
It isn’t nowhere, is it? But these sorts of feelings, senses, occurrences, or whatever you call them exist in a place we can’t visit and can’t even accurately imagine. There are days when I can’t understand how we don’t walk around with our mouths gaping open — there is so much wonder here. And so much desiderium there — our hearts are drawn to presences utterly untouchable, but indisputably close.
When it is quiet, I listen. When it is dark, I look. Loss is never emptier than when I try to convince myself I haven’t lost anything and that I simply have to accept the changing shapes, but maybe that’s okay — maybe there are times when I need to be reminded of why I’m here, and that’s best done by keeping acquainted with the reality of those who aren’t anymore.
These thoughts aren’t sad ones, not to me. They are rather ironically grounding even as my mind flies off to eyeball signs of the afterlife and interconnectedness in the corners of a room. Maybe that’s because I am so stilled by them. I am drawn like a sleepy toddler to a pallet — Oh child, there there.
And yes, I’m completely fine, lest you worry.
Sending love everywhere,
AM
Beautiful, Allison. You have a special way of weaving words together to paint a picture. That, my dear, is a gift! Thank you for sharing!
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