Take Out Therapy
the beauty of small doses
I found a new podcast this morning and I wanted immediately to tell you all about it and this great three-point description of how to leave resentment behind. Like most of you, I’m pressed for time, so anything that feels like I can learn a lot in a little is attractive. I don’t think the concept works for everything, but I’m willing to say that it works for me for spiritual concepts. I can’t get too bogged down. I want to be able to just say yes, take my orders (because I know I’m not the sharpest tack in the room in this area), and move on.
I struggle, as does most everyone, with hanging onto resentment. If we’ve ever felt out of control of our circumstances, it’s a safe bet that we have some victimhood in us, which makes us cling to yeah, but you, you, you like it’s the last life raft in sight and we’re in the middle of the ocean. In actuality, it’s not a life raft at all. It’s the thing that’s going to sink us. So I was particularly interested in what the host, Rebecca Hunter, had to say. And I wrote this down while I was listening, so these are my words. You can find the podcast on here if you want to listen to the entire episode.
Don’t assume you know the other person’s motivations. It usually actually isn’t about us. It may mean we don’t share values with the person, but it’s personal so much less than we think it is.
Have better boundaries. Speak up. Ask for what you need clearly and kindly People don’t know what they don’t know — and no one comes here knowing how to be in a relationship with us. We have to show them how to do it and do it respectfully. If we have someone who’s interested in learning about who we are, we are lucky.
Have a good relationship with yourself and allow yourself the boundaries to say hey — this is what I want and you don’t do it and that hurts my feelings. This is about showing someone how to treat us.
I thought those were good thoughts. They helped me and I wanted to pass them along.
We don’t know how we want to be treated unless we spend time with ourselves, do we? We also have to give ourselves the same responsibility of making ourselves available to learn about the other person. We have to leave space for them to teach us. I’m finding lately that we look at everything through our own lens and get hurt when we think others don’t think of us. But here’s something — and this requires some grown up undergarments — maybe they’re not thinking of us. OH GOD. Maybe they thought of them, just like I think of ME.
Coming to terms isn’t easy to do. But I know I want to keep my heart open to the world and not only engage in these conversations, but live them too.
Peace. Love.
Allison
These are really great things to remember! I will need to have the "cheat sheet" available when in the heat of the moment, so I've printed them out. Thanks, Allison.
I will try and keep these points alive in my life out of respect for myself and others!
This perspective helps me so much! I’m seeing a girlffriend in July who’s been part of my small “tribe” since the mid-70’s and after all these years, I still feel slighted by the lack of nurturing she brings to our relationship. I have felt so many slights and I’m tired of keeping track of them … I am weary of letting them weigh on my heart. I am (slowly) letting them go, learning to love her anyway, and open to understanding HER on a deeper level. Thank you, Allison, for sharing this.