SUNDAY SELFIE SERIES #69

Jennifer Hansen

I met Jennifer in the gym of my son’s school. Her daughter was attending as well, at the time, and Jen made an effort to be my friend. She’s like that — always including, always asking questions, always offering her help and support, always connecting. And she could probably tell I’m quite often painfully shy. Special needs mamas have a special bond, and I am so grateful for my bond with Jen. She is strong, she is smart, she is compassionate, and she’s one of those friends I’d call in a heartbeat to help me either finish a bottle of wine or get me out of a tight spot or both, maybe simultaneously, because that’s how we do life — always full on, always ready for the next astonishing thing that might blow our hair back, usually laughing and if not, holding each other up through the waves of sobs that we assure the other will indeed pass. I’m proud to call her my friend, and hope that I will be able to do so for the rest of our crazy lives.

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1. What has humbled you more than anything else?
   My older daughter, S, now 12, has a rare de novo genetic mutation. I knew she wasn’t thriving in the same way as her peers from the time that she was 6 or 7 months old. My concerns were generally dismissed by doctors as well as family members, but I felt strongly that something was amiss. A movement class instructor we attended validated my worried thoughts. I began navigating the maze of therapies, evaluations, testing, and studies with my child in tow. Eventually, we found understanding. However, the years not knowing how to help my child and not knowing how she was feeling were beyond humbling. It has been amazing as well as humbling to watch her work so hard every day, grow, develop, and thrive in her unique way. Her passion for art and music as well as her love of those closest to her leave me breathless.
   

2. Do you feel like you’ve gotten a good education?
   Yes. I was fortunate to be granted the privilege of a formal academic education debt free. More significantly, the process of understanding the concept  “you don’t know what you don’t know” has informed my experiences with both my daughters (12 and 6) and taught me lessons that have engendered huge paradigm shifts in the way I approach challenges.

3. Do you believe that forgiveness benefits the forgiver or transgressor?
   This is such a challenging question. It depends on the forgiver as well as the transgressor, as the benefit or lack thereof for either party is situational. Ultimately, if forgiving allows the subject of the transgression to move on, then, sure. Forgiving is not the same as forgetting, though.

4. What is your proudest accomplishment?
   Advocating for my children and learning to do so for others who have not yet found a compass to guide them through the minefield of having a child who is not neuro-typical. While perhaps not an accomplishment, I’m delighted and proud to have such a wonderful community of friends and warm relationships with my family.

5. How would you like to live out your golden years?
   Surrounded by those I love, piles of books, laughter, and the knowledge that I have given everything I could to this existence.

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