Questions + Answers

From Michelle B.

Hi Allison,

Long time reader and fan. Wondering how you kick the blues? Not the heavy blues but the garden variety daily grind sorta blues. 

Essentially what I’m asking is - how do you get out of your own head and stop the noise of your brain carrying on about things you have no control over? 

Do you have any exercises that work for you?  

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Dear Michelle,

I love this question. I love that it came up in the queue today because I needed it today. I’ve been deep down in some heavy things this week and have indeed been practicing what I call lifting. I said the other day after a hard conversation with someone, I just need some space so I can lift myself back up. I know how fortunate I am to be able to have such a thing as lift in me. The strength of my lift varies, but I don’t and have never suffered from chemical depression. I know those who do, and I am more grateful everyday to have been spared it so far. I know, however, that I am never out of the woods on that or anything else. Life is fragile, and so is health, in a way that I never imagined when I had youth.

So what do I do to stop torturing myself? Mostly, I create. I am careful not to isolate, so I make sure I reach out to my friends if I am low, but the best medicine for me is to use my hands. I draw, I sew, I paint, I garden — I basically get busy, but in a way that takes me out of my mind and into my body. I dissociate as a defense mechanism, so I can have really strange responses to traumatic or even seemingly insignificant events, like not acknowledging something has even happened until hours later or even falling asleep upon experiencing something disturbing or stressful. One of my main practices these days is to really focus on pulling my attention to the center of my body and imagining actually putting my soul in that place. That’s where it’s supposed to be right now, not flying off into the ether feeling erratic and lost. Using my hands helps me get there.

I am so lucky that I have a really cool life, and I don’t struggle too much with the daily grind blues. Sometimes that’s probably because it’s too chaotic to stop and notice I’m behind on every single thing! But if I do get them, I just look up. I see a bird and notice how it’s just going about being a bird and doesn’t seem to have a problem with its bird-dom. I observe how my dog Willie doesn’t care at all that he’s inconveniencing me by demanding to be picked up and put on a blanket on the sofa for the 14th time that day because people pleasing is not his thing, being Willie is, and he is a special character that sees things his way and that’s his job on the planet. I interact with my son if I can, and his presence reminds me that there are so many ways to be in the world, but the best way to be in it is peacefully. There is so much happening at once all the time, I can usually find something delightful to focus on. I know that’s a gift, and I came with it I think, but it’s also one I’ve cultivated to survive those moments when life takes the wind out of my lungs for no particular reason at all.

I’ve been thinking about who I was when I came to this earth a lot during the past year. I’ve been trying to connect to that being, my real self, my self that delights in the little details of life and has no agenda to manipulate or control anything or anyone into a shape that she thinks won’t hurt her, my self that is so open and generous with her spirit, her love, and her curiosity — and I’ve been trying to bring her into that place in my center too. That’s where she belongs as well, not cast out like she was when my false self took over to protect her. I’m bringing her back in and it’s pure joy to do so.

So that too, Michelle.

I also think the serenity prayer is a really good mantra. I use it a lot, and I recommend it. Letting go, after all, is the best tool any of us can use to get from one moment to the next with as little pain as possible. I’ll be honest and tell you that I cry several times a day too. I have held back tears for so many years because I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone, or myself, with them. But I’ve started letting them out these days. Not every time I need to, but most times. They just sort of fall out, spill over, win the battle they fight with the rims of my eyes — they don’t even need sound to go with them. And it feels good to acknowledge that I have that depth of feeling, acceptable or not. I’m finally accepting it, and I’m working hard to develop the support in my nervous system that those feelings need.

A work in progress, like me.

I chased Willie around the yard this morning and laughed my ass off at what a funny creature he is. That was a good trick, so maybe try playing with a puppy. Or a kitten. Or go to the zoo or a botanical garden. Nature is always a good cure if you can find it.

Maybe you can also listen to this record. Dance a little.

So that’s all I’ve got this morning. Maybe our community has some tips and tricks they can leave in the comments. Please share! And good luck to everyone with the lifting.

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Y’all have a lovely weekend.

Allison

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