Protection

the hamsa

I want to use fewer words lately.

Maybe it’s because life feels particularly sweet these days — even through the usual chaos, a bit of calm has settled in and things feel solid. I feel more solid, so I have less to turn over the rocks about. I’m also getting myself sorted out in a different way — I don’t seem to need to stew as much as I did a month ago.

Drawing and painting has become essential for me and I like to do both first thing in the morning. When I work on books, I spend my first waking hours immersed in words. Now it feels natural to use my hands in another way. I didn’t see this one coming, but making artwork is where I am my most present. It makes sense though — the process of making visual art requires that I slow down — if I try to speed up, I mess up. And that way of thinking goes hand in hand with the personal healing work I’m doing. I can’t speed that up to my liking either. It will only go as fast as it goes.

But what’s beautiful is how it happens — I think I’m not getting anywhere and I’m just plugging and plodding along, then one day something clicks, and I’m able to progress a little more. The more I dig, the more realizations I have. The more realizations I have, and the more work I do around them, the safer I become. And the safer I become, the better my life becomes. When I feel safe, I can think clearly, which leads to sound decision making, which leads to a better life.

How can it be that making art gives me a better life?

Because it’s through the process that I am revealed to myself. Being in the act of creating requires that I center and pay attention and when I do, I can hear my soul’s whispers. Those whispers are intuition and they give me direction, advice, confidence.

A few mornings ago, I was inspired to paint this hamsa in shades of green — green for spring, green for new beginnings. I’ve always been drawn to hamsas, and love that they are a symbol of protection. As I finished the painting this morning, I began to think about the concept of protection, and then of self-protection. I’ve protected myself far too much for far too much of my life. I thought I had to fight the world before it could mistreat me, I’ve sometimes led with anger instead of self-assuredness and calm. I know I talk about them a lot, but I’m learning that when I have good personal boundaries, I don’t need anger, and my need to take on the world disappears because I can trust myself to properly protect me if I need to.

I also thought about this. Though I always pray for my family’s protection from physical harm, I know we need more than that to be healthy and content. I decided to pray for another kind of protection — that we will be free from the defense mechanisms we created to protect our vulnerable selves, that our home will be safe haven enough that we will honor our true selves and can show up authentically and openly, that we will treat each other with kindness and respect and remember to defend against what is neither of those things. I decided to pray that we will all be empowered to choose the loving way.

Thank you to Sharon A. for the inspiration.

I’m grateful to have multiple ways to express myself. I’m itching to get back into the studio to finish up some new Saint Seven tracks too. More on that soon!

Peace, love, and go gently,

Allison

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