My Sunday List
April 28, 2024
Words
Old men ought to be explorers
Here and there does not matter
We must be still and still moving
Into another intensity
For another union, a deeper communion. —TS Eliot, East Coker
Song
I might’ve listened to the new The Black Keys record, Ohio Players, four or five times this week. I’ve always had an appreciation for this band and have liked at least something about every record they’ve made — this one feels full and joyous. My favorite track is “On the Game” — as my sister and I were saying — we hear ELO, George Harrison, dare I say I hear some Nilsson — and of course, Dan Auerbach’s monster tones and muscular choruses. It’s a roll the windows down record top to bottom.
I watched
The second episode of the Thomas Jefferson documentary by Ken Burns. I felt it wasn’t as enjoyable as the first, but that’s probably because it was quite sad. Jefferson lost almost everyone he loved by the time he died, was in constant financial straits, never finished his beloved Monticello — he had an incredible life, but one of its most incredible facets, in my opinion, is that it was so seemingly extreme. He must’ve had a tremendous amount of fortitude, or maybe it was just luck that he lived to be so old, or maybe it was that he was waited on for most of his life and didn’t have to plow his own fields. As I said last week, I struggle with my admiration of Jefferson, but ultimately land on the fact that he was a man of his time and did the common man of his time things as well as reach extraordinary levels beyond them. He was erudite and elegant, an unparalleled intellect, and a tremendous writer and statesman. But I can also hold this truth in my mind at the same time: he looked the other way on slavery so I think it’s safe to say he wasn’t exactly pure of heart. People are immoral sometimes; they are confounding and messy always, present company not only included, but at the top of the list.
Book
This is excellent. I have so many stickies sticking out of it you’d swear I was going to write a thesis. I’m not. But I will report when I finish.
Favorite moments
Spending all week with my incredible son, John Henry.
Getting the yard summer ready and planting a little more — a few cherry blossoms and an Appalachian Redbud tree that I named Patty Loveless in the middle of the front yard.
Walking the greenway and finding a perfect creek with John Henry.
Waking up to this peony today.
What I’m wearing
Okay so here’s where you’re going to realize that I buried the lede.
Dear readers — I got a job. A real job at a place of business. That place of business is called THE COUNTRY MUSIC HALL OF FAME AND MUSEUM.
I am joining the editorial team, which is part of the museum services department. So I’ve been getting a few wardrobe items together this week. I’m looking forward to having a reason to get smartly dressed everyday. As if I needed one — but maybe sometimes I do need one.
I’ll say more — keep reading.
What I’m cooking
I tried to culinarily please a suddenly quite finicky 14-year-old this week. You parents will understand that the 14-year-old part is the important part of this paragraph. There a comes a time in a young man’s life when he decides to exert his will however he can. I’ll leave that there, along with the assurance that I ate a few of his leftovers.
Favorite Photo I Took This Week
I’m grateful for
New beginnings! My ever-evolving journey. My artistic development. Opportunities. The support of my incredible friends and family. Being a part of the Country Music family and the show business family at-large.
What I made
Something wonderful I noticed
Same as last week: The more I let go, the better life gets.
What brought me joy
So many things!
Flowers, trees, water. Spending time with my son not doing anything special, just calmly being together and listening to the birds sing.
Knowing that this week is my last as a self-employed person for a while. I am happy to have a new direction.
This part of my journey began about eight months ago. I was feeling lost and wasn’t sure where I was headed in my work. The last time I worked for anyone but myself was in 1997. Ironically, that job was at a coffee shop just down the avenue from where I now sit and I worked there until I signed my first publishing deal. I’ve done so many things since then — I’ve made lots of records, played lots of shows, did lots of this and that from acting and modeling jobs to getting a master’s degree to writing and publishing two books to producing records and always writing songs and creating all the time whether through music or visual art or clothes or — the list goes on. If you’re here, you know at least some of my story. But as I was saying — I felt lost in the summer of 2023. And I had no idea in which direction to go. So I started praying. And what I prayed for was a pathway to peace. I surrendered everything else. I was exhausted by my ironclad will and had to finally find a way to let it go.
Show me the way, I’d whisper.
Show me the way. Show me where I’m supposed to go.
Around the same time, I created a Linked In profile. I wanted to see what might happen. After about a week of that whole thing, I decided it was not for me, so I turned off all of the notifications and that was that. Fast forward to January and me waiting somewhere for something — I clicked on the app and up popped the listing for a writer/editor position at the Hall of Fame. I read the description and said to myself, wow — if I were going to write a job description for a dream job for myself that would probably be it. And I closed the app. Then two days later it floated back through my mind and I said to myself, Why are you ignoring that? I had, funnily enough, met with a few of the gentlemen from the editorial department last year about another project, so I knew who to contact. So, I contacted him. And we started talking about the position.
The idea of having a job excited me. The idea of having this job gave me chills. My life as a working artist has been so special, so rewarding, so much fun — but it has also been exhausting, scary, and angsty. There’s a feeling, when you’re an artist that deals with personal details like I do, that the job is to get up and churn the depths everyday — is there anything worth selling in here? Is there something I can turn into something that someone out there might relate to? And the answer is usually yes. But it isn’t without risk and yes, sometimes a high cost. I’ve been burned out for a while. I was afraid to say it. I felt it when my second book came out. I needed some fallow time and I wasn’t going to get to avoid honoring that need. My body simply said no you will not go down to the library and isolate yourself into another fantasy world — you can always write that novel — don’t do it now — it is not the right time. Remember, Scout showed up and told you to concentrate on her. She showed up right after you started praying your prayer. So SHE is going to lead you in the right direction.
I started seeing Scout of the corner of my eye in real life. She’d show up in certain situations as if to remind me of who I was. As my therapist told me, she is my inner child. And she was (I’m still trying to quit cussing, but) a little badass. She knew the way. She was light and quiet on her feet. She saw it all and used few words, mostly eye contact and gestures. She had a quiver on her back and a bow in her hand. She had braids and antlers. Her costumes were colorful and fantastic. She was everything I needed.
Scout led me back to myself. Back to the safe place I used to have within when I was a little girl. I remember it — it was the place I’d go where I didn’t need to please anyone, that was self-sufficient and confident in her abilities, that didn’t really want much to do with climbing up on a stage and singing in front of people. She knew herself and was happy with it. She was self-possessed. She had to disappear so I could survive.
Scout led me back to order.
Now — none of this means that what I’ve done with my life hasn’t been the right thing or is somehow diminished by my decision to move in another direction. In fact, it means the opposite for me. I feel like I had to live the life I’ve lived — as a kid from an obsessed with music family to recording artist and singer-songwriter to writer, artist, editor, stylist — all of those things gave me the knowledge and experience to be able to offer a strong skill set to the world class institution that is The Country Music Hall of Fame.
It’s as if every step I’ve taken led me here — to a place where I can harness all of my interests and focus them in one direction, toward giving back to the art form that gave me such a rich and storied life, toward giving back to my family by honoring their love for what brought them together — music, toward interpreting the history of a great American art form, toward preserving our unique culture. I am humbled, grateful, and honored.
And what else that fallow time revealed to me was that I’m a creature who thrives on structure and is stimulated by other people who are working toward a common goal. I love to collaborate. The life of a working artist is lonely by necessity, and I had grown weary of not leaving my four walls. I love my alone time, and I love my studio, but I also felt the need to be around others more than in social situations. There was also this — I wanted more stability for myself and my family. I also wanted to make another career push and have something tangible to show. I’m on the cusp of Gemini, and have quite of bit of the twins in me in that I like variety and can change on a dime. For a while I thought that meant I lacked a center. Now I know it’s that I’m myself no matter the environment or twists and turns or requirements.
I know y’all are delighted for me. Of course, I will report on it all. How this platform evolves is yet to be seen — I am not only representing myself anymore, as of tomorrow. For now, all will remain the same. I love our community and want to keep it together.
Wish me luck.
Prayer
Thank you, Great Spirit, for giving me the strength to let go of everything I cannot control, which is everything outside of myself. Allow me to let go of shenpa and exchange it for shunyata. Only through you can I do that and know peace. And finally, please give me the strength that is required to clearly see what I need to see.
(shenpa - what hooks us. shunyata - being empty of what hooks us, no ego, no separate idea of self)
Intention for the week to come
May I be present before I am concerned with being anything else.
May I breathe peace in, and breathe love out.
May I meet others with kindness and acceptance and still keep my boundaries.
May I feel confident enough in those boundaries to be flexible in my actions.
May I use my words for good.
May I be grateful.
May I trust.
May I have CLARITY.
May I be patient.
May I be open to what the Great Spirit knows is for me, and may I walk my path accordingly by remembering I can only take it one step at the time.
Something I’m thinking about
I’ve been thinking about why I’m either dreaming more lately, or for some reason just remembering some of my dreams. I used to have a vivid dream life and experienced these crazy metaphorical scenes under the cover of slumber. I have dreamt four times since John Henry has been on the earth that he has talked to me. I wonder if it’s because I’ve started sleeping better? Could be. I hope it’s a trend that continues. I like all the realms and the veil is thin around here.
Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Buddha
Habit
Smiling.
Best Word or Term
Taradiddle: someone or something that is filled with pretentious nonsense or something that is a lie.
I’ll let y’all make up your own sentences.
Wishes
That I recognize every opportunity to feel joy, and that I take each one.
That my fellow creatures do that too.
That you all are content and well.
That you will forward this to one person you think might like it.
Have a wonderful, peaceful, joyous week. And thank you for supporting my work here at The Autotelic.
Peace. Love.
Allison
There are first edition copies of I Dream He Talks to Me and Blood in the shop. I will sign each copy that is ordered. If you would like it personalized, please send an email with your order number and the name you would like on the signature page to allisonmoorercontact@gmail.com.
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You’re an inspiration my sister. So proud of you in every way. The HOF and I and many folks are so lucky to have you. Kill it. I love you.
If you're Scout, who is your Boo Radley?