My Sunday List
March 17, 2024
Words
Taking control of how you want to live your life and what story you want to tell about yourself is an act that transcends age. —Lyn Slater, How to be Old
Song
I’ve been listening to classic jazz. I like to paint to it — it’s soothing but still moving. It makes me feel like it’s okay to seek solitude because it keeps me company and sets my mood to contemplative. Plus, I needed to reset after Tuesday’s show with my sister. It felt like we got pretty deep and trippy. It was an opening for me, musically and spiritually. I want to think about that for a while before I hear too much else.
I’ve been digging this playlist lately:
I watched
The season finale of The Swans. The ending felt like trudging through maple syrup — excruciating and slow. But wow, was it a beautiful production. The performances were outstanding in all of their gory glory. Each character was drawn with varying levels of sympathy, but it’s interesting how the only one I cared about by the time it was over was Truman’s longtime companion, Jack.
And I have to give props to the best literary put down I’ve heard in a while:
It’s a two-dimensional cave scratching.
Goodness gracious alive, ouch.
Book
I finished Seven Thousand Ways to Listen yesterday. I haven’t studied a book like that for a few years, at least. Hayes asked me what it’s about the other day and I struggled to find the words, but ultimately said “It’s about choosing love over fear.”
I have marked it up mercilessly — I have written all over the margins. A few notes I’ve made:
The continuous act of beginning again / I was afraid, confused, and ignoring my intuition / This experience allows me to see myself / I need to learn to go by what is immediate and true instead of the stories I’m dragging from my past / I want to develop a deeper, simpler self / Reality will always keep unfolding / existence is an ocean and life arrives in crests and swells / Realize others’ capacity and tendency to be cruel when you experience it. Believe it. You are sometimes the problem, but not always. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are. You’re an easy target for that since you already think everything is your fault and it’s your responsibility to fix it. / desmadre desmadre desmadre / to untangle the net, stop pulling on it / The work of being is only done through living life. The point of all of this work is to live better, not give me further reason to judge another performance at which I won’t make a perfect score / I won’t know until I get there.
It’s such a rich text. Nepo writes in a way that won’t release me from reading a sentence until I feel certain I’ve comprehended it. To do less would be cheating myself out of, well, I guess coming out of it with all of those trains of thought in the paragraph above. And that’s just a few of the things I thought about. I’m going to give it a permanent place on my nightstand along with the other books I consider to be spiritual guides.
I know some of you have been reading it along with me. Please leave your comments about it below if you feel so inclined. I love knowing what y’all think — you are an emotionally savvy group!
Favorite moments
Singing with my sister, of course. And what a stellar band. My background singing partner was none other than Ashley Monroe. Kenny played solos that made me want to cry. Shelby shone like the bright star she is, eternally being polished by life and reflecting to us what we need to hear about ourselves. It was so much fun.
Flying to NYC on Thursday to spend the weekend with my boy. He’s getting to be such a grown up and I treasure every minute I get to spend with him.
What I’m wearing
Well, spring is on my mind, and I’m sure that’s no surprise because it’s on everyone’s mind. I’m looking forward to switching my closet from fall/winter to spring/summer. But when I do that, I’m going to insist that I finally pare down at least some. I know it’s a mistake to over-edit, but owning too many things is expensive not only because you spend money on the thing. You have to store it, take care of it, and then ultimately dispose of it. I saw a photo the other day of a pair of jeans with stretch that had been left in the weather to disintegrate. The cotton had gone back to the earth, but the lycra or spandex or whatever was still there like a creepy thread skeleton. Buy less and buy better is my philosophy. And buy vintage or used when possible too! Also, raw denim is the best denim.
What I’m cooking
Nothing notable. I don’t know if that’s because I can’t remember or because I didn’t really cook. It was a busy week.
Favorite Photo I Took This Week
This is a photograph of the ring I have tied to the collection of talismans that hangs from my mala beads. S for sisterhood.
I’m grateful for
Music. My community. My friends. My home. My family. My health. Forgiveness. 501st chances. Grace. The beauty of the earth and everything that inhabits it.
What I made
I finished my first big painting. This sweetie is 18”x24” and is a watercolor on handmade cotton paper that was dipped in indigo dye. You might remember this is a piece that I drew out on graph paper earlier in the year. I traced that design to the cotton paper and then developed all of its detail. It’s an exercise in symmetry and bringing disparate but beautiful and necessary elements from each side of the self together under the bindu chakra, which as I understand it is the point or source of all creation.
I don’t have it up in the shop yet, but if anyone is interested in buying it, email me at allisonmoorercontact@gmail.com to talk about pricing. I’m still figuring that part out.
Something wonderful I noticed
My life is really cool. Also, the power of rest.
What brought me joy
Seeing things start to blossom. Reading. Enjoying my own company.
Prayer
Thank you, Great Spirit, for giving me the strength to let go of everything I cannot control, which is everything outside of myself.
Intention for the week to come
May I be present before I am concerned with being anything else.
May I breathe peace in, and breathe love out.
May I meet others with kindness and acceptance and still keep my boundaries.
May I feel confident enough in those boundaries to be flexible in my actions.
May I use my words for good.
May I be grateful.
May I trust.
May I have CLARITY.
May I be patient.
May I be open to what the Great Spirit knows is for me, and may I walk my path accordingly by remembering I can only take it one step at the time.
Something I’m thinking about
How every human being sees a thing differently. If there are as many experiences as there of us, how do we ever agree on what the truth is? How do we reconcile that everyone is sure of their version of the truth but no one else shares that version exactly? Where is the right meeting point? How is compromise reached without losing too much? How do we hope to meet when we misunderstand each other so easily? Does everything come down to faith and at least a little bit of willful blindness?
Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Buddha
Habit
Leaning into mantra. I had a sad song stuck in my head for days, and finally meditated it away by repeating a direction to myself. It worked and I broke the loop.
Best Word or Term
Psithurism: The sound of rustling leaves or wind through trees.
One of John Henry’s favorite activities is listening to the psithurism that comes with spring. I was taught to use it in a sentence to learn it — were y’all?
Wishes
That I recognize every opportunity to feel joy, and that I take each one.
That my fellow creatures do that too.
That you all are content and well.
That you will forward this to one person you think might like it.
Have a wonderful, peaceful, joyous week. And thank you for supporting my work here at The Autotelic.
Peace. Love.
Allison
There are first edition copies of I Dream He Talks to Me and Blood in the shop. I will sign each copy that is ordered. If you would like it personalized, please send an email with your order number and the name you would like on the signature page to allisonmoorercontact@gmail.com.
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Around the holidays I was frantically trying to get our guest house above my shop transformed from a horrible mess to a safe place for my daughter , so in law and three grandsons ( middle is on the spectrum and a future escape artist ). I was panicking thinking I wouldn’t even have the plumbing finish in time. I finally installed a stereo setup and listened to a playlist of songs for Bosch the tv show. Full of great jazz. It really helped me calm down. A few hours before the arrived from a long drive from Texas to Alabama I put on the Alabama song on repeat and wept until I could do no more. It was their first visit and my first time to see my grandsons other than our FaceTime call on Fridays. There is nothing like great music.
As I read Seven Thousand Ways To Listen, I'm hyper-aware that my listening skills need developing. I swim against a cultural tide. My mom is Armenian and Armenians interrupt each other and get louder and louder to make a point. That fosters the bad habit of planning what you're going to say in your head. I'm working on truly listening and not worrying about what I will say. It will take time.