My Sunday List

September 24, 2023

Quote

Competition, prizes, and awards are part of a patriarchal construct that destroys love and creativity by creating and protecting a singular hierarchical commodification of quality that does not, ever, represent the myriad successful expressions of art and making. If you must use that construct, you use it the way one uses public transport. Get on, then get off at your stop and find your people. Don’t live on the bus, and most importantly, don’t get trapped on it.—Ocean Vuong

Song

The Age of Worry, by Yebba. This is a John Mayer tune that I love from what I think is one of his best albums, Born and Raised. What a melody and well-built melodic structure. This live performance by Yebba and a stellar cast of musicians takes the song to a new place. Enjoy.

I watched

H. and I had time to watch two movies while we were on vacation. It felt so luxurious to slow down.

First was Barbie, which I quite enjoyed, as suspected. The messages run deep and also cut that way. Greta Gerwig is a special storyteller and Margo Robbie is that rare, once-in-a-generation actor that has serious and magical acting chops to go with a kind of beauty you almost can’t bear to take in fully. A must see, as almost everyone apparently already knows.

Second was Frida, which H. had never seen. What a movie. Perfect casting, gorgeous cinematography, and a window into which one might look to better understand artistic temperaments and the level of dedication required to achieve the full expression of an idea or longing when one must do so or suffer a kind of spiritual death.

Book

The River Runs South, by Audrey Ingram. I swear, sometimes I think the internet has planted a chip in my head because things pop up in my world that are related to my thoughts. As in the thoughts I’ve been thinking and not sharing. I also need to turn off the microphone in my phone (note to self — form a habit of turning off the microphone in Instagram when I finish mostly just wasting my time there) because I sometimes talk to myself. Anyway, I think we’re probably beyond help on those matters at this point. This book came to my attention and I bought it so I could investigate one of its major through lines, the environment of South Alabama. It’s a good book and I’d even call it a page turner — Ingram has an airy style and I enjoyed reading it. There are no plot conflicts with my story and I’m safe with my idea for the time being. It does, however, remind me that I have to get the work done. Ideas float around in the ether for only so long while they wait to be committed to a tangible medium. If we don’t give them the time and attention they deserve, we often find them having been explored by another artist who will. Is there anything worse than the one that got away?

Thing

I purchased two Away suitcases several years ago and I have traveled extensively with them. They’re good bags and they come in cute colors. But my carry on made its last journey last week. I think it had been to Mexico six or seven times! And many other places, of course. It was cracked on the top and the handle would barely pull up anymore, so I decided it was time to upgrade. Lo and behold, I went into an actual store — Nashville Trunk & Bag — and bought a new Briggs & Riley with a lifetime warranty. The wheels roll so smoothly! The handle pulls up without having to jerk on it and I generally feel like a queen pulling it along with me. And here’s the best part — if it breaks, all I have to do is take it back to the store and they’ll handle the rest. Sometimes I feel like nothing lasts, no one cares, and that’s just the way it is. And sometimes I find out something different.

I also felt good about shopping local. Another note to myself.

Favorite Photo I Took This Week

I found the cutest pants in the world in San Miguel de Allende. They are made of black cotton crepe and feature traditional Otami embroidery and are the perfect gaucho length. Even better, they are made in a traditional wrap around style — one front panel and one back panel — and they feature no fixtures — not a zip, button, or elastic anywhere — just ties that secure the panels around the waist. I put them on to fly home on Monday, and took this photo to send to my sister so she’d know I was on my way and was bringing inspiration with me.

Prayer

Thank you, Great Spirit, for showing me what I need to see every single day. Please continue to give me the strength and endurance that I need to be who I want to be in this earthly realm.

Intention for the week to come

May I be present before I am concerned with being anything else. May I be supported by the universe to make the best decisions for my life and for my family from that present place. May I remember I can only achieve that presence when I allow myself to feel where I am first, before I try to figure out how others feel and then try to base my life and worth on them and what they do or do not do. May I remember to keep my mind on myself in the most humble way, may I remember that my relationship with myself is the most important one I have, and that I am autonomous, powerful, and loving.

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Something I’m thinking about

Whether or not the novel that has taken up residence in my brain possibly exists within a memoir. Yep. And that might be the most drastic measure I’ve taken against actually writing it to date. I’ll probably make up an illness next. It’s just part of a grueling process of finding the flow. Every writer I know thinks they can’t do it — and certainly not AGAIN — then, they do.

I did do a sketch of the character that’s a spirit guide while I was on the plane home the other day. Progress of whatever amount is still progress.

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Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Buddha

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Habit

Giving myself butterfly hugs and sharing the technique with others if they don’t already know it. It’s such a calming thing to do for those moments when I feel like I can’t slow down, like I can’t catch my breath, or that my breath certainly can’t move fast enough to keep up with my thoughts.

I’ve been thinking about how alone I am lately — but not in a negative way. What I mean is, I and I alone have the power to affect how I feel in any situation, and anytime I give that power to anything or anyone else, I lose myself and behave accordingly. I hate that.

Happy 25th birthday to my first album, Alabama Song, which was released on MCA Records on September 22, 1998.

Wishes

1. That I recognize every opportunity to feel joy, and that I take it.

2. That I am loving and available to my family and friends, make good art, keep myself clear of negative emotions and harmful stress, and stay open to what is on my path.

3. That I meet others with love and compassion, even when I know I’m dealing with their trauma and not the real them.

4. That I am able to gracefully sort the important from the unimportant and prioritize my life accordingly.

5. That you will forward this to one person and that person becomes a subscriber too.

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Have a wonderful, peaceful, joyous week. And thank you for supporting my work here at The Autotelic. New paintings will be up this week! Become a paid subscriber to get a special discount code.

Lots of love,

Allison

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