My Sunday List
August 13, 2023
Quote
Philosopher John Macmurray explains one of the dilemmas of life:
In imagination we feel sure that it would be lovely to live with a full and rich awareness of the world. But in practice sensitiveness hurts. It is not possible to develop the capacity to see beauty without developing also the capacity to see ugliness, for they are the same capacity. The capacity for joy is also the capacity for pain. We soon find that any increase in our sensitiveness to what is lovely in the world increases also our capacity for being hurt. That is the dilemma in which life has placed us. We must choose between a life that is thin and narrow, uncreative and mechanical, with the assurance that even if it is not very exciting it will not be intolerably painful; and a life in which the increase in its fullness and creativeness brings a vast increase in delight, but also in pain and hurt. —John Macmurray
Song
I first saw Julian Lage play with Rosanne Cash and John Leventhal at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in 2014. He blew my mind and I’ve been a fan ever since. Dig it.
I watched
I tried to catch up on some episodes of And Just Like That last night, because I wanted to see the episodes with Aidan, but I promptly fell asleep. I haven’t really watched a lot — the free time I’ve had has been spent watching my paint brush make strokes or my fingers fly on the keyboard. I’m good with that.
Book
Finished this. Loved it. I have moved on to The Joy Luck Club (about halfway through) and Under the Tuscan Sun. Yes to female writers for a while.
Thing
This very simple, made up dish of white rice, ground pork with salt and pepper, sushi ginger, and cilantro.
Okay, here’s what happened: Some of you may remember that in January 2021, Willie the one-eyed chihuahua wonder dog with ninety-seven lives had to have surgery to remove bladder stones, to which he is genetically propensed. Since then he’s been on a special diet because he can’t process dog food properly and will get more stones if he eats it consistently. So I make him different mixtures of things he can tolerate, one of which includes organic ground pork. I was browning the pork one day and John Henry snagged some of it and liked it. I thought, hmmm… let me see… He loves rice, so I spooned some over some instant that I keep in the freezer (Whole Foods makes a great one that’s so quick and easy to cook in the microwave and in a short order kitchen like mine, it makes a huge difference), put finely sliced some sushi ginger and cilantro to put on top for depth of flavor and a bit of tang and spice, and voila! He loves it, and I think it’s pretty good too.
If that sort of thing is your sort of thing, give it a try. Put any questions in the comments and I’ll try to answer.
Favorite Photo I Took This Week
Flowers from H. on the 12th. It’s top-tier husbanding to remember the anniversary of your wife’s parents’ deaths and arrange to have flowers sent even though on the actual day, you’re somewhere at the bottom of the Grand Canyon and out of touch with civilization. The acknowledgment means the world to me. Thank you, H.
Prayer
Thank you, Great Spirit, for showing me what I need to see every single day.
Intention for the week to come
May I find healing places inside myself at every moment. May I find the autonomy I seek as I heal from the damage that diminishes me into a dependent, insecure, and anxiously attached person. May I recognize myself as the divine soul that I am, and allow the power of my feminine strength and wisdom to come forth at every opportunity. May I have the gumption to follow only what is for me.
Something I’m thinking about
What’s next. Honestly, I’m questioning my decision to tackle this novel idea. It’s going to take years to write it.
Things that take a long time are good things to do, don’t get me wrong. But I’m wondering — do I want to spend my fifties tackling a big book in a genre I’ve never written in? Or do I want to do something else that will make more of a difference for my future and my son’s/family’s future? I’m in a period of questioning. I wonder sometimes about my line of work being too isolating.
Writing requires that I sit in a room by myself.
Songwriting requires that I sit in a room by myself.
Painting requires that I sit in a room by myself.
Do I want to keep sitting in a room by myself during this period or do I want to get out in the world and do other things during what will undoubtedly be my greatest decade?
Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Buddha
Habit
Allowing my feelings. But I’m also starting to catch myself when I begin to sink into can’t never could thinking. Positivity is the rule of the day.
Wishes
That I feel joy every time I am able, and that I spread that joy to others.
That I take good care of my family, make good art, and keep myself clear of negative emotions and harmful stress, and stay open to all of my options.
That I meet others with love and compassion, even when I know I’m dealing with their trauma and not the real them.
That you will forward this to one person and that person becomes a subscriber too.
One last thing: Since yesterday was August 12 and the 37th anniversary of my parents’ deaths, I wanted to do something positive instead of lamenting it all day. I put a limited supply of signed, first edition copies of hardcovers and paperbacks of Blood in the shop and gave my paid subscribers first dibs. It’s been 24 hours now, so everyone gets a shot! Go get them here:
If you would like your copy personalized, please send a note with your order number and the name you’d like on the signature page to allisonmoorercontact@gmail.com
Have a wonderful, peaceful, joyous week. And thank you for supporting my work here at The Autotelic.
Lots of love,
Allison
Paid subscriber benefits:
Access to the chat feature on the Substack app.
Paid subscriber only Saturday posts.
A discount code to use in the shop for 24 hours when I put new paintings up. And other discounts for the shop (AM merch is coming soon)!
Surprises from time to time — free merch, access to things in the shop before free subscribers.
You're so sweet and sensitive you could win a prize
The “sensitivity thing” is something that I think about a lot. I’ve tried not being sensitive but that doesn’t work. Being sensitive to other people can be advantageous and a joy or a real pain. I can’t change. I am made the way I am made. I get hurt sometimes but the benefits outweigh the disadvantages...I think.
Thank you once again for your inspiration Allison. It’s got me sitting on my own in a room and being creative. I don’t seem to mind it but perhaps the novelty will wear off in time!
Px❤️