My Sunday List
August 20, 2023
Quote
You should not dwell too much on the mistakes, faults, and failures of the past. Be done with shame and remorse and contempt for yourself. With God's help, develop a new self-respect. Unless you respect yourself, others will not respect you. You ran a race, you stumbled and fell, you have risen again, and now you press on toward the goal of a better life. Do not stay to examine the spot where you fell, only feel sorry for the delay, the shortsightedness that prevented you from seeing the real goal sooner. —from the book Twenty-Four Hours a Day (Hazelden)
Song
“Riverside,” by Landry.
Um — Mr. Mayer must be scratching his chin about right now. Can we talk about how influential he has been? I think this track is some prime evidence of such. For all the harassment he gets, and for all the good reasons he gets it, you can’t argue that Mayer is otherworldly good. But anyway, I just like this tune and this guy for having really big spheres to put this out in the world. And it’s actually so cool — very pleasant and well done. But shoot!
I watched
More like I fell asleep to. As y’all know, I can’t stay awake if I try to watch something late in the evening. So I woke up at 1am a few nights this week having tried and failed — the battery run down on my ipad and some random thing playing, having played through all the episodes of whatever I was trying to become engaged in. I just have to give up on television for a while. I don’t think it suits me right now, anyway. I did a lot of this instead.
Book
Still on Under the Tuscan Sun. And The Joy Luck Club. And another Pico Iyer.
Thing
I have a menopause tip for the ladies, and for the men in case your female partner is going through this mess. Buy a few cheap USB fans and keep them by your bedside. Charge them fully on the daily. If one runs out in the night, start the other one (you’ll wake up, of course). Also, get your doctor to prescribe one of those medicines that keeps you from having night sweats. These two things have changed my life and my sleep. I am far less a nutcase than I was a few months ago.
Menopause is not for sissies. Yes, that’s some real talk.
Favorite Photo I Took This Week
Prayer
Thank you, Great Spirit, for showing me what I need to see every single day.
Intention for the week to come
May I find healing places inside myself at every moment. May I cultivate the self-love that is the earthly embodiment of your love for me. May I find the autonomy I seek as I heal from the damage that diminishes me into a dependent, insecure, and anxiously attached person. May I recognize myself as the divine soul that I am, and allow the power of my feminine strength and wisdom to come forth at every opportunity. May I have the gumption to follow only what is for me, and may I pay astute attention to the messages you send to show me what that is.
Something I’m thinking about
Figuring out how you feel and saying it clearly. I think so much emphasis is put on being nice first, on not triggering anyone, on always being as positive as possible, that we end up just stonewalling and going around in circles. I believe in doing all of those nice and considerate and empathetic things. But there are times when you have to get down into the grit of a situation and describe it how you feel it, not how they want to hear it. That can be done nicely too, though it might take tremendous effort if you’re feeling mistreated. However, the other person has to be in a strong place and be ready to hear what might sound like criticism. So you can’t just say these things at any time. Write it down and send it. Put it on a piece of paper. And maybe it’s too tall an order to think any of us can withstand real criticism without feeling attacked or victimized, but it’s something to think about. How do we balance saying our needs clearly without hurting who isn’t meeting them? Does the other person feel strong enough or ready to really hear us asking for a behavior change? How do we choose our words so that they are what they need to be, but the least punitive and accusing they can be? How do we open ourselves to the idea that we have failed someone we love? How do we accept criticism? Can we do it cleanly? Can we ever really accept it? Can we see ourselves clearly?
Yep. More real talk.
a sweet little rendering of my 14-year-old nephdog, Jett.
Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Buddha
Habit
Flowing. This time of summer is always pretty slow in our house. It’s usually just John Henry and me and his schedule is much looser than it is during the beginning of the summer. So I’ve been sleeping a little later. Drinking one more cup of coffee before I get on the yoga mat. Maybe not getting on the yoga mat until much later in the day. I guess the point is, I’m trying to take things slowly and allow myself to rest a little more, so that’s my habit these days. Just trying to be and do the next thing that feels right.
Wishes
That I feel joy every time I am able, and that I spread that joy to others.
That I take good care of my family, make good art, and keep myself clear of negative emotions and harmful stress, and stay open to all of my options.
That I meet others with love and compassion, even when I know I’m dealing with their trauma and not the real them.
That you will forward this to one person and that person becomes a subscriber too.
There are more copies of Blood in the store. I’ll sign a copy for you — they are first edition copies in both hardback and paperback.
If you would like your copy personalized, please send a note with your order number and the name you’d like on the signature page to allisonmoorercontact@gmail.com.
Have a wonderful, peaceful, joyous week. And thank you for supporting my work here at The Autotelic.
Lots of love,
Allison
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Paid subscriber only Saturday posts.
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Surprises from time to time — free merch, access to things in the shop before free subscribers.
How good were those communication questions. If only we have time to search them and speak them and share them when the time comes. Thank you. It's so important, if we are to grow, in our relationships.
and I love your art piece this week. Beautiful. And pictures. I'm so happy to see you are sharing with your friends, and have sweet time with John Henry. Peace and love....
I also struggle with confronting people but doing it nicely when they are ready to hear it. My mom is Armenian and I grew up next door to her parents. Armenians are not shy with words nor lack volume when they talk. Passionate as can be. Those aren't bad qualities and yet the negative part of it is that they are blunt. Perhaps too blunt for non-Armenians (odar--there is even a word for someone who isn't Armenian) or non-Middle Eastern people. I am an empath. I feel what others do, so it helps to balance how I was raised. Still, it's a lot of work to choose the good parts of my upbringing while refining what doesn't serve me. Thank God for the tools I now possess that help me heal.