My Sunday List
October 20, 2024
Words
At that point you will stumble over a necessary stumbling stone, as Isaiah calls it; or to state in our language here, you will and you must “lose” at something. This is the only way that Life-Fate-God-Grace-Mystery can get you to change, let go of your egocentric preoccupations, and go on the further and larger journey. I wish I could say this is not true, but it is darn near absolute in the spiritual literature of the world.
—Richard Rohr, Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life
Music
This morning, my son and I listened to Rachmaninov: Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini. Op. 43: Var. 18. Here is a pretty version by the Los Angeles Philharmonic.
I watched
I started watching Disclaimer on AppleTV and love it so far. Anything with Cate Blanchett is usually a good idea.
Book
I’m still rattling around and sifting my piles. I don’t mind it right now and I’m being patient with myself. It’s all good. I know big changes make me distractible. One of the worst things I’ve ever done to myself is hold myself to an unreachable standard of productivity, even through times of upheaval. So I’m allowing myself to have my piles of books and to reach for the one I need when I need it, whether it’s the Richard Rohr handbook to the second half of life or the new Sally Rooney novel.
Favorite moments
Having coffee with an old friend and feeling like we hadn’t missed a beat, we just skipped some years.
Listening to Willie snore at night from his cozy little dog bed that’s next to my cozy big people bed.
Sometimes I get to do things at work that I can’t tell you about yet. But I’ll tell you when I can. 😏
What I’m wearing
I’m beginning to work in a few more layers as the weather has cooled a bit, but mostly it’s still as hot as summer in the middle of the day. My favorite look of the week was one I wore tonight to The Medallion Ceremony at The Country Music Hall of Fame & Museum. This is an eleven-year-old, long sleeve, sheer silk dress cut on the bias that I found at ABC Carpet & Home back when they still sold clothes on the Mezzanine floor (you NYCers will recall, I’m sure). I slipped on an old pair of JCrew embroidered pumps that I have always loved and threw a black, old faithful Chloé blazer over it all.
The way you do anything is the way you do everything.
Poem
it was not time that healed you;
it was your courage to feel everything
you used to run from
being with yourself and meeting your tension
is hard, but it is the only way to release what
has been bottled up inside of you
your pain was simply asking for your attention
—yung pueblo
I’m grateful for
love
healing
authenticity
trust
animals
my family
my friends
What I made
I did some painting – I’m working on a piece for a local watercolor show I was asked to be part of — it’s nice to sit down and lose myself in color again.
Favorite photo of the week:
What brought me joy
Cats + dogs + tweed skirts with boots + the way sunlight slants in the fall + video texts with my bff every day + singing + fresh sheets + cinnamon toast crunch + salted almonds + flowers from a friend + decorating for halloween.
Prayer
Thank you, Great Spirit, for the life you give me every day. Thank you for the blessing of my son. Thank you for the blessing of this experience, even when it seems like the hard times are too hard and too many. Remind me to turn to you with every breath. Please strengthen my faith so I might turn all things over to you and the wisdom to know you will work miracles in me through whatever you place in my blessed path. Allow me to gracefully release what is not meant for me and to hold tightly and lovingly to what is. Allow me to be open to change every day as you remind me it is the only constant besides you. Allow me clarity, focus, and courage. Allow me to rise to my highest vibration each day and spread truth and beauty wherever I go. With deep gratitude I pray that your will, and not mine, shall be done.
Intention for the week to come
May I be present and fully inhabit my mind, spirit, and physical body.
May I walk through the world with an open heart and without judgment.
May I be curious and ask questions before I decide.
May I breathe peace in, and breathe love out.
May I be humble and see myself clearly so I may accept my limitations while working to lovingly decrease them.
May I have the self-possession and grace to meet others with the kindness and acceptance I desire for myself.
May I find the flexibility in myself to gracefully accept the imperfections of life and not take inconveniences personally.
May I think before I speak.
May I think MORE than I speak.
May I first do no harm.
May I be grateful for what I have and may I not seek more for my selfish gain.
May I allow myself to trust but may I also always use my discernment.
May I have CLARITY and find a way to be CALM about it.
May I be patient.
May my vibration resonate in harmony with the universe.
May I remember it isn’t about me.
May I do good work.
May I have optimism and positive thoughts.
May I be open to what the Great Spirit knows is for me, and may I walk my path accordingly by remembering I can only take it one step at a time.
Something I’m thinking about
How it isn’t always easy or popular to tell the truth, but how it’s never the wrong thing to do if it is rooted in kindness. I sometimes wonder what the point of lying is – especially when it doesn’t help anyone. Would I rather be superficially well-liked because I succumb to people pleasing behavior to prevent everyone’s temporary discomfort, or would I rather be respected for being a person with integrity? Something about being on this side of fifty gives me the confidence to say I’d rather have integrity but always lead with kindness and be well-liked for that.
It’s something to work toward.
Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Buddha
Best Dolly Parton quote this week:
If I don’t like where you’ve got it I can tell you where to put it.
Habit
Sitting in the quiet without trying to meditate.
I do try to meditate. I use a few different apps that are helpful for that. But sometimes I like to just sit down in the quiet and listen to nothing without telling myself I need to be pursuing nothingness. Quiet can be hard to come by. There are times when my spirits can be lifted to elation when I find some — whether it be the end of the day when I get home from work, or early in the morning before the light is fully on.
Here is an unspeakable secret: paradise is all around us and we do not understand. It is wide open. The sword is taken away, but we do not know it: we are off “one to his farm and another to his merchandise.” Light on. Clocks ticking. Thermostats working. Stoves cooking. Electric shavers filling radios with static. “Wisdom,” cries the dawn deacon, but do we do not attend.
—Thomas Merton
Wishes
That we all are and will be well.
That we all are loved.
That we all put our pasts behind us every minute.
That we all have a glorious and fulfilling week.
That you will forward this to one person you think might like it.
Have a wonderful, peaceful, joyous week. And thank you for supporting my work here at The Autotelic.
Peace. Love.
Allison
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My Here constantly moves to another Here far away,
because I am constantly moving from where I was.
Where I am now, will not be where I am later.
Yet, there is a constant longing to be HERE, in that place yet far away.
Sometimes I am Here for a split second in eternity.
A split second above the clouds that float freely.
A split second of insight that goes beyond reason.
A split second of being - of being HERE, where I am.
These are only rare occasions,
with hope that I may someday find myself completely HERE.