My Sunday List
October 15, 2023
Quote
Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world. —Desmond Tutu
Song
Peace Piece by Bill Evans.
Over and over and over and over.
I watched
Almost all of the first episode of a PBS documentary called Becoming Frida Kahlo. There are two more and I hope to finish them this coming week before I hit the road with Hayes again and then to NYC to see JH. I’m drawing and painting all the time, though — on the plane, in the hotel room, even yesterday in the warm Texas sunshine. It’s been a rough week for everyone. It’s during times like these that I seem to sink more into art. Not to escape exactly, but to find a place where I can breathe, where life makes better sense. Writing comes slow if at all. I’m avoiding going into my head these days to tell you the truth, which doesn’t bode well for my plans to attend to all of the notes on the novel that’s in there. And I’m not pushing it right now. When I do go in, I try to stay to the right. That too, is sort of an experiment. If I only feel, then I can’t make sense. The act of writing, for me at least, involves both sides and all things — the emotional and creative, and the analytical and organizational. I’m uncomfortable going intentionally into my memory right now and there’s no way not to do that when writing.
I’ve worked hard this year at smoothing down what has been sharp for so long. This, without a doubt, affects the art I make.
And though there is fear that comes with that realization, I will gladly trade the gnawing teeth of traumatic memory that makes pain so close to the bone and therefore so useful for creative output, for the greying out and letting go of the need to stay closely acquainted with it. I want to see what is beautiful and wonderful in my present. That’s the only thing I feel like writing about right now.
I’ll get to the book when the time is right. The room at the library awaits. I think of it every day and I shed a tear for my beloved characters yesterday morning because I promised them I’d get to them and I haven’t done what I said I would. The time will come. But I don’t think the time is right now. Don’t get me wrong — I’m going to go to the writing room. I’m going to go to it as much as I can. But I don’t know exactly what I’ll do there. I might use it as a space to ask myself some questions. Or I may write about this very process. Or I may give in to my world of fantasy and indulge in what I’ve realized is a story not so loosely based on fantastical versions of family members that live in my gourd.
We shall see. Yeah. It’s been a little tumultuous getting to that honesty. Other things, more important things like the health and wellbeing of my family, and that includes me, have put themselves in my path. As a workaholic, it’s hard for me to set projects aside. But even Frida, an artist as committed and fierce as they come, knew love and family was the most important thing.
Book
I began reading a good friend’s new manuscript. Funnily enough, when I met this person over twenty years ago, neither of us had any idea we’d publish a collective three books before we reached our fifties. Writing friends are somehow the deepest known friends. And I’m not the most carried away with the saying if you know, you know, (I think it’s exclusionary and snobby and hello jerks - what if you don’t know but might want to learn?) but I guess it’s appropriate here. To have wrestled with a literary idea until you managed to get it to submit and then dance with you is no small feat. It takes tremendous discipline and sacrifice to remain with it, to work with it and massage it into place, to hold it near and dear and give it what it deserves. A book, when it’s being written, is the writer’s master. And everyone knows you can’t serve two.
I love the manuscript. I’m about halfway through. It is a privilege to be a witness for someone’s creative process.
Thing
These socks Elizabeth Cook gave me for my birthday and these vintage cowboy boots I can’t stop wearing.
Favorite Photo I Took This Week
This one, from yesterday in Luckenbach.
Prayer
Thank you, Great Spirit, for showing me what I need to see every single day. Please continue to give me the strength and endurance that I need to be who I want to be in this earthly realm. Help me to understand why there is suffering so that I may be more compassionate, understanding, and helpful to my fellow beings. Help me understand that it is not my job to figure out how everything is connected and how everything is always moving, it is only my job to accept that and find love, connection, joy, and meaning in that reality. Thank you for showing me that you are always there, I just have to listen.
Intention for the week to come
May I be present before I am concerned with being anything else. May I be supported by the universe to make the best decisions for my life and for my family from that present place. May I remember I can only achieve that presence when I allow myself to feel where I am first, before I try to figure out how others feel and then try to base my life and worth on them and what they do or do not do. May I remember to keep my mind on myself in the most humble way, may I remember that my relationship with myself is the most important one I have, and that I am autonomous, powerful, and loving.
Something I’m thinking about
What her name is.
I’m thinking of doing a series of small drawings and/or watercolors of this spirit. Would ya’ll be into that?
Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Buddha
Habit
I am deeply grateful that my most consistent habit is practicing yoga.
Wishes
That I recognize every opportunity to feel joy, and that I take it.
That I am loving and available to my family and friends, make good art, keep myself clear of negative emotions and harmful stress, and stay open to what is on my path.
That I meet others with love and compassion, even when I know I’m dealing with their trauma and not the real them.
That I am able to gracefully sort the important from the unimportant and prioritize my life accordingly.
That you will forward this to one person and that person becomes a subscriber too.
Have a wonderful, peaceful, joyous week. And thank you for supporting my work here at The Autotelic.
Peace. Love.
Allison
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It’s in times like these ♥️☺️🤗♥️